The Squirrels Ate My Internet!
First, the damn squirrels tried to eat their way into my house. They actually did that, and we had to call the squirrel guy to set up a cage and trap them and take them to a meadow in western Massachusetts.
Then we put up a screen to keep them from eating the tasty part of our house.
Next, the birds tried to make a house in the place where the squirrels used to like to hang out. I guess it seemed safe up there since hte suirrels had left town. We had the bird guy come over and put up some wire to keep the birds away.
Then my internet connection started to drop out on me. All of a sudden I'd have no internet access. So I called Comcast and ended up talking to a guy in Newfoundland. He was patient while my computer rebooted.
In the end, he dispatched a Comcast guy to come over and take a look.
He just left.
Diagnosis: the squirrels were eating my internet!
I bet those squirrels we kicked out to western Mass sent a message to their city squirrel relatives to eat my internet cables.
Well I have new internet cables now, and we left the old ones up there so the squirrels could eat them and not disturb my new lines.
Die Squirrels, Die!