It's a baby girl elephant!

The Japanese have invented the automated body washer. I wonder if they got their designs from The Jetsons.

Please join me in supporting the Birch as America's favorite tree. Don't let it's loss in the favorite beer category to Budweiser influence you. Vote today!

alt.comedy.standup

My, how time moves around, when you're dragging it along with your mouse.

A nasty man just tried to kill us all. Bryan Ferry looks on.

Clintons to Close on D.C. House
The Clintons have lived in public housing for 20 of the past 22 years. Clinton will earn $157,000 as an ex-president.

Wasn't that funny, at lunch, when the ketchup bottle made a sound like someone farted?

Whenever "Happy Birthday to You" is sung for commercial purposes, looks like Warner Communications gets paid according to this post on Coalition for Networked Information's website.

I just found out that Jamie Lee Curtis is married to Christopher Guest.

Curious GWB

"I was writing in my Journal pretty late. You were wearing a Pink Hooded sweatshirt and a walkman. I gave you a rose, you asked if I was a poet."

If you didn't have the guts to get her phone number, when you should have, post a note at isawyou.com, maybe she'll see it and respond. Probably not though. You should have gotten her number when you had the chance.

The Fat Project at TheSpark.com: 30 Lbs in 30 Days

Rufus is a comfortable slip-on Nike shoe that Takeshi told me about. I wore it today for the first time. Nice!

Lined cargo pants are really nice for the winter. I mean, really nice! They are on sale at gap.com if they have your size in stock.

The Exploding Dictionary defines the word Tangent. Once you get here you can ask it to define anything you'd like.

In Shanghai Noon, Jackie Chan plays a Chinese man who travels to the Wild West to rescue a kidnapped princess. After teaming up with a train robber, the unlikely duo takes on a Chinese traitor and are be-friended by Indians. You'll like it if you liked The Frisco Kid, where Gene Wilder plays a rabbi from Poland who goes to America to lead a Jewish community. After teaming up with a bank robber, Harrison Ford, they form a friendship, and have many (mis)adventures including being captured by Indians.

Now you too can be a SimpleDJ or an onlineDJ. You choose. All you need is a sound card and some speakers.

Joel on Software has written a great book: User Interface Design for Programmers In it, he quotes Emerson, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." Good UI designers use consistency intelligently, and, though it may not show off their creativity as well, in the long run it makes users happier. If you want to see that quote spoken in a movie, rent Next Stop Wonderland.

Find your house using satellite photos.

WhoWhatWhen - Interactive Historical Timelines. Are why, being and been far behind?

Deja.com: Posting History: mucko@mediaone.net

Why do I get Het Weer in Belgie - Het aktuele weer in Belgie - Weerbericht (Nederlands), the weather in Belgium, when I'm trying to go to http://www.altavista.com?

When a President leaves office the White House is swept clean . File drawers are emptied. Hard drives are yanked from computers.

Rogers Cadenhead posts a Cruel Site of the Day.

The Smoking Gun brings you exclusive documents -- cool, confidential, quirky -- that can't be found elsewhere on the Web.

The Drudge Retort is not the Drudge Report.

If you are looking to make a charitable donation, check out GuideStar's database of more than 700,000 U.S. nonprofit organizations.

Smoke 'em if you've got 'em. Bush Cigars.

Accoarding to the Urban Legends Reference Pages The appeal of this [the Claire Swire/Brad Chait email correspondence] particular revealed e-mail conversation can be attributed to its hitting upon a time-honored double-pronged winning formula.

Brush the skin with vegetable oil to prevent skin from drying. I think SPF 30 should be high enough.

Don't do it today, or you'll go blind!

You can share your live or recorded videos at SpotLife. If I decide to share, I'll let you know. If you decide to share, please let me know. Hug.

Another in a long line of Am I Hot or Not contestants. I'd say this one has a good chance for a 10.0. HOT!

It's all Christmas all the time over at TNT where they are showing A CHRISTMAS STORY, beginning on Sunday, December 24 at 8 p.m. through 7 p.m. December 25. They say it's a 24 hour marathon, but I only count 23 hours. Watch Little Ralphie wish for a BB Gun for Christmas, while Dad decides where to put his Leg Lamp.

I guess this had to happen, now babies have weblogs. Check out babybleu : jean-denis' weblog.

These buddies respond to natural language queries and live on your Buddy List.

John D. Freyer has All My Life For Sale.

Guess The Dictator/Sit-Com Character.

New Scientist researched the question of how long a decapitated head is aware of its surroundings.
[ via am news abuse ]

Here are the supposed actual emails from Claire Swire which caused a web sensation in England.
[ via am news abuse ]

I watched The Simpsons, Dancing Homer episode on the big screen at The Museum of Television & Radio in New York City. It was fun seeing it in a theatre full of people.

According to Hotline Scoop's Transition Tracker, President-elect Bush is considering Ex-NFL quarterback Roger Staubach for Secretary of Navy.

Am I hot or not? Now in German! Look at the frauen.

The national Donate a Phone campaign collects wireless phones to benefit victims of domestic violence. In the hands of a victim, these phones are a lifeline, enabling them to call for assistance when faced with an emergency situation.

TIME named George W. Bush Person of the Year. They are looking at naming Dick Cheney Man of the Year next.

Now they've come up with a Talking Beer Opener and you can even hear it before you buy it.

Disturbing Search Requests make fun reading.

Ixquick's stellar web metasearch was created by a twelve year old Himalayan mountain goat named Daphne.

I would have thought that a True Democracy was based on laws, which include the Electoral college.

Bill Braudis, another Boston-based comic poised on the cusp of stardom,
recently auditioned for Late Night With Conan O'Brien, the results of
which, postelection punditry permitting, will be aired on the NBC show
tonight. [ via Boston Globe ]

The Illustrated db discography seems to have all the David Bowie songs you'd ever want info on.

I you are looking for an appointment make sure that you understand that most applicants under serious consideration for an appointment will go through a full FBI background check.

Simply roll your mouse over the bubble wrap to see and hear a satisfying 'pop' as the bubble bursts.

We like Smart Solutions!

We interrupt this blog for a test:
Al Gore or the Unabomber? A quiz. The quotes are either from Al Gore's Book Earth in the Balance or from the Unabomber's Manifesto.

I want Interactive Moe for Christmas! Mmmm Beer.

"I don't care about getting the keys to the transition office, when do I get keys to the limo?" Let's dance, George.

digitalMASS at Boston.com has a great article on the corporate co-opting of blogs .

When can I expect my check?

Now you can have Santa Claus send someone a personalized letter over the internet for free. Wow! It's a Christmas miracle made possible by modern technology.

For $5.00, Santa will print the letter and mail it. I wonder what it costs for a house visit.

Who would have thought that lumberjacks would have such a hard time finding an apartment? [requires Quicktime]

Germans are stealing these Claudia Schiffer lingerie ads.
[via am news abuse]

Michelle-1011W23 Activities in prison: sports, computer, reading. But, what is she in for?

Is amihotornot.com the
hampsterdance of the year 2000?

Rank People. Another Am I Hot Or Not clone, that gives you the HTML to track your favorites. Are they rank people?

If I have a believable, photo-realistic, human-like, digital face
reading my email to you,
I want it to be Jerry Seinfeld.



What's the deal with that?

Pull harder Santa.

While Matt Drudge is keeping track of all the political goings on in Washington, his dad is keeping track of everything else, I mean everything else, at refdesk.com.

If you want to find a famous grave, or even a not so famous one, visit findagrave.com.

Looking for that Limited Edition 1941 Columbia Superb bicycle with a clock, odometer, and fat white wall tires? Nostalgia Merchants is selling them.

How do you like your meat cooked? Do you prefer mild or hot salsa? Do you like light or dark chocolate? Answer these questions and Proctor and Gamble will send you a custom Millstone blended coffee right to your door.

Looking for the cheapest flight out of town, SideStep can be downloaded into your browser and will search all the airlines, for the best flight for you.

Tarepanda is Big in Japan
[via The Web Today]

The three residents of the international space station finally greeted their first visitors on Friday, after flying side by side for almost a week.

Shuttle Endeavour commander Brent Jett Jr said he would have come sooner, but he was out of town on business.

I'm not sure what the point is, but I'm a sucker for Flash animations.

Weblog Junior High.

Amazon.com has Compassionate Conservatism for Dummys.

Is there any other kind?

SCUL: Visionaries on wheels, or just bad spellers?

Good to know that baboons are evolving nicely.

Steve's comment: Baboons dislike KIA drivers.

Play Tic Tac Toe against a pretty tough opponent.

George W. Bush or Chimpanzee webpage
[via The Web Today]

Oracle's Larry Ellison says, "We're right and the rest of the world is wrong."

OK, so who won the election?

Voter ID numbers were left off many applications through computer errors in Seminole County and incorrect numbers were placed on the forms in Martin County.

Probably a software problem, which will probably lead to one sorry programmer.

Now you can send a fax from your web browser.

Wanna play a game where you can hold brief conversations with game characters via AOL Instant Messenger?

Don't forget the Gore-Lieberman Recount Committee

Contribute to the Bush/Cheney Presidential Transition Foundation. There's a $10 minimum.

I just created an Internet radio station where you can listen to 70's New Wave, 80's Classics, and Today's Pop Hits with a little Reggae thrown in. It says you need RealPlayer 8 to listen, but I have it working on RealPlayer 7.

Oh my God, call the X-Men, it's Magneto! Seriously, it's going to be a pretty crappy school experience for this kid.

George W. Bush's Weblog

[via Scripting News]

This three-dimensional modeling of the international space station is just too cool. You'll need to sign up as a NYTimes subscribers to view it, but hey, it's free.

"Former President Bush to undergo hip replacement at Mayo Clinic"

This headline presupposes that Bush was hip to begin with.

Wired News posted this link today on Guns that look like mobile phones
All I can say is, What the Hell?

Dot Comedy is a new TV show about great websites.

I'm pretty sure that this website won't make it on the show.

Call 1-800-SOUNDBITE to record and send telephone messages to anyone in the U.S. for free.

Hi Mom! I miss your face. Please send money. Love Sonny.

Al Gore says George Bush "will be my president; he will be America's president.''

Rate the chicken head.
[via fc.network]

Secrets in the White House are nothing new.

On October 2, 1919, President Woodrow Wilson suffered with a sudden stroke, and from that day his doctor and his wife, Edith Bolling (Galt) Wilson, decided to keep one of the biggest secrets that the white house had ever known.

When I wrote a report on Woodrow Wilson in grade school, the little biography I read didn't include this!

Breaking News: There will be Romulans in the next Star Trek movie due out in 2002. Star Wars- Episode II is in serious post-production.

To tide you over, you can still watch Freaks and Geeks on the Fox Family Channel on Tuesday nights from 8:00 - 10:00 PM ET/PT.

Better than the College Basketball Tourney, it's the SolosNet Chick Tourney Version 2 - The #1 Celeb Tournament.

Go Milla!
[via badassmofo.com]

Make you own comic strip at The (New) Red Meat Construction Set
[via metafilter]

I think Michael Jackson needs to eat better, exercise, and get some sun.
[via am news abuse]

We ate lunch at The Linwood Grill where Pork is not a verb.

Take a trip to LePoorDesign.com where among other things, they tell you that, "underneath the butterfly ballot was the now famous "Votomatic" punch card."

This site has a better design than the butterfly ballot it makes fun of.
[ via: gleanings]

Redherring.com - X.com swerves to avoid Net bank pileup
X.com is now winding down its banking business, maybe z.com will start accepting deposits?

Our long national nightmare is over. We finally have a new leader: Dick Cheney!

mcchicken head
A customer at a McDonald's restaurant ... found a fried chicken's head in the box of chicken wings.

At least they didn't charge extra for it.

Fox Becomes President Tomorrow
"Help the poor.'' "Lower taxes.'' "Stop robberies and kidnappings.'' "Apply the law.'' "Create more jobs and better salaries.'' "Steal less.''

Maybe he could do some work up here in the interim.

The "Top 10" Most Offensive Shows on Network Television
I just found my new TV Guide.
[via the ultimate insult]

Skeptic's Dictionary: the hundredth monkey phenomenom
When the hundredth monkey learned to wash potatoes, suddenly and spontaneously and mysteriously monkeys on other islands, with no physical contact with the potato-washing cult, started washing potatoes!

Not really, they just started recounting ballots.

Now I can take my AOL Buddy List out jogging. If it works out, we might go to dinner together too.

You can start your own internet radio station.
Webmonkey tutorial about streaming audio.

Rapper Ol' Dirty Bastard Nabbed at McDonald's
"I can't stay on stage too long tonight -- the cops is after me," he told the crowd, saying he planned to become "like a bird" living off "birdseeds or whatever ... you'll see."

I guess you can't live on birdseed for too long.
[via: the web today]

Turning 50: Miss World Competition Struggles to Revamp Image
"I've met girls from countries I've never even heard of," said Angelique Breaux, 22, of San Diego, Calif., who represents the United States.
[via am news abuse]

Learning Tapes
"They'll teach you how to curse, fling insults, make sexual suggestions - and rejections - in foreign tongues"

I thought a not-real girlfriend would be more relaxing than the usual kind, but I was wrong.

The site is attracting upwards of 3 million page views a day
Wired reports on Am I Hot Or Not.

Internet TV show "Sex Survivor" could not survive until the end of the show.

David Blaine: Magic Man
"Keep it real, stay cool." That's what I just overheard at the live webcast of David Blaine, the magician, who is encased in a block of ice on Broadway.

Follow the link to hear New York's finest say things like:
"Keep moving people."
"Come on people, move it along."
"You gotta keep it moving please."

Have Sex to Reduce Disease Risk, Researcher Says
In a report out of the World Stroke Congress in Melbourne, doctors now believe that sex is as legitimate a form of exercise as a game of squash or a long run.

I wonder if organizers will make it a demonstration sport for the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City.

That would perk up cable TV ratings.

Volunteers Ingest Pollutants in Controversial Study [via am news abuse]
Volunteers in a drinking water study are being paid $1,000 each to take pills containing an industrial pollutant found in rocket fuel.

The Brunching Shuttlecocks - Am I President or Not?
You might as well go vote online too.

www.salonherringwiredfool.com
Salon, Red Herring, Wired News, and Motley Fool.

An all you can eat buffet of news.

Newsday.com - AP - Bush Says He Is 'Preparing to Serve'
''I will work with members of Congress from both parties to reduce tax rates for everyone who pays taxes in America,'' Bush said.

His father helped him write that line.

CNN - E-mail Services

Be among the first to find out who will be the next United States president. CNN.com will send a one-time e-mail alert when the U.S. president-elect has been determined.

Hmm, determined how, by Katherine Harris tonight or by the Supreme Court next week. I'm thinking maybe I'll get an email sometime after the start of the year, or maybe I'll get one within hours. We'll see....

Update - 11/27/00 7:38:42 AM Eastern Standard Time

Subj: Welcome to TEXT PRESIDENTELECT
Date: 11/27/00 7:38:42 AM Eastern Standard Time
From: mailings@cnn.com
To: creepy937@aol.com

Welcome to CNN's free e-mail services!

This message has been sent to confirm that creepy937@aol.com
has been added to the following e-mail list:

TEXT PRESIDENTELECT - President announcement hotlist

Save this e-mail or write down the address above for your records.
You must use this EXACT address to UNSUBSCRIBE.

To UNSUBSCRIBE or SUBSCRIBE to any CNN e-mail service, visit:

http://cnn.com/EMAIL

Thank you,
CNN.com

OK, they did send me an email, but they do not think a president elect has been determined. I think George W. Bush has been selected as the president elect by gaining the required electoral votes. The Unofficial Homepage of the Electoral College agrees with me, pending legal challenges and the vote of the Electoral College.

MATT DRUDGE // DRUDGE REPORT 2000®
Joseph Lieberman, "demonstrations are a disserve to our democracy."

American Bar Association - Concept Paper on Mass Demonstration Law

"In a democracy mass public demonstrations are essential and among the most important devices of public protest and widespread citizen involvement in political decisions. Not only do demonstrations provide the opportunity for citizens publicly to express their opinions, but they also provide an opportunity likely to be particularly appealing to those citizens who for reasons of lack of wealth or social power feel excluded as a practical matter from the facilities of the mass media."

Bush - Gore Dance @ TVdance.com


Listening to the radio on the way home tonight it was Bush takes the advantage, then Gore. One minute they are up dancing, the next minute the aren't. Maybe the Florida Legislature will step in and decide things. Not right now, they are going to have a nice Thanksgiving at home. At least Cheney didn't have a heart attack. No wait, he had a slight heart attack. I hope it wasn't too bad and he rests up over Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving.

A new cellular phone from Japan.

To answer incoming calls, the wearer taps the index finger and thumb -- that's it -- and then sticks a finger in one ear to hear the person on the other line.

SatireWire | Ellison to Grads: Losers
In one of the more controversial commencement addresses in memory, Oracle CEO and college dropout Larry Ellison told Yale's Class of 2000 they were "losers" whose hard-won diplomas would never propel them into the ranks of the super rich.

A letter from SEGA to Sony

Another auction site
They sell aircraft, business and more. You sometimes can find a closed e-commerce company...

Related article is here

Chumworth on the News - Real Headlines, Real Funny

Daytime talk show host Rosie O'Donnell announced during a “Today” show appearance this morning that she would end “The Rosie O’Donnell Show” when her contract expires in spring 2002.

Finally, there’s a decision that neither Democrats nor Republicans will contest!

Yup. Really funny.

SatireWire | JESUS RETURNS, BEATLES REUNITE, BUT ELECTION NEWS PREVAILS

Due to interest in the Gore-Bush race, only 17 people showed up for the Beatles' concert at New York's Shea Stadium. Nonetheless, said Paul McCartney, "We couldn't hear ourselves in the monitors. They were all screaming about the election."

WIPO Domain Name Dispute: Case D2000-0658

Respondent’s website uses Complainant’s name and likeness without his consent, and is devoted to statements that tarnish and disparage Complainant, including a reference to Complainant as "No-Talent Nik Carter, founder of ‘Fat Nik’s Donuts,’" and the suggestion that Complainant should "get a pair of corrective glasses for the lazy eye." The website also uses WBCN sound files in violation of applicable copyright laws.

Nik Carter got his web domain back. I love what you've done with it!

If you have some spare time, read through all the other domain name disputes.

Interactive Storytelling Tools for Writers
Chris Crawford understands interactivity. He understood it back in 1984 too, when he wrote Balance of Power for the Macintosh.

Kaycee . : living colours : . This morning I said, "Hello world. I'm back. Woo-hoo." I really felt like it was awesome because like I said I wasn't sure I had any time left.

Wal-Mart.com brings you the Backstreet Boys up close and personal.

Well not actually that close. Not that personal either. But they are going to be broadcasting on the web tonight.

They've got a guy named Howard in the band? Who knew?

Drew Barrymore left Tom Green at the altar
No wonder that last skit on Saturday Night Live didn't seem to be that funny. But Jimmy Fallon had the best job of the night when he kissed Gwyneth Paltrow during Weekend Update! Go Jimmy!

Bismarck, Otto von - Britannica.com
Peter Jennings just emailed me this:

The 19th-century German Chancellor Otto von Bismarck believed that "those who savor sausage and the law should avoid watching either of them being made."

You might have heard this quote recently based on the goings on down in Florida. Now you can learn all about the man who made it.

If you would like to get early previews for ABC's World News Tonight join my friend Peter Jenning's mailing list.

Yesterdayland has now added a toy section.

Depending on your respective age, this makes for some great memories.

XFL.COM
In the grand tradition of American football, there’s one thing that always generates some heat and excitement, the cheerleaders.

I wonder if they'll schedule any time during the XFL broadcasts to show the game?

Toy Accused Of Advocating Drug Use
"C is for crack," the Alphabert Toy said after the poor innocent child pressed the letter C.

D must be for Devil Worship.

Am I GOTH or NOT
#321 in a series of Am I HOT or NOT clones... by the same guys...

Election 2000: Judge: Florida Can Reject Late Votes; Gore Appealing
... in a nerdy smartypants kinda way.

Onclave: Connecting People to People to Information ™
This site has a really nice design with lots of good links and content. It looks so cool that I joined. My page is here.

"M&M's" Network™
 Do I win a prize for finding a square M&M?

YourMom!
Your Mom's so fat, that when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Revocation of Independence?
A response to the letter in which the United Kingdom revoked the independence of The United States of America [posted here on 11/15/2000]

The Butt Page
Rectal Foreign Bodies. "All patients had physical examination, biplane abdominal roentgenograms, and proctosigmoidoscopy to determine location, type, and number of foreign bodies."

Team Dawghouse Network
FACT #29: 85% of men don't use the slit in their underwear.

Champion are you listening? Join the Champion letter writing campaign for men's underwear without slits!

losers.org
mockery has never been so much fun

Reporter's Notebook - The tsuris of nice old Jewish ladies enters the national discourse.
Nice report in today's Boston Phoenix by Steven Cooper from Orlando. He reports, "Confused voters, some in tears, have left the polls not knowing whom they voted for. No one makes much of this, accustomed as we are in the media to assume elderly people are easily confused about everything from pill-taking to sandwich-making."

Dictionary.com/Word of the Day: derogate
Word of the Day for Thursday November 16, 2000:
derogate \DER-uh-gayt\, intransitive verb:
1. To deviate from what is expected.
2. To take away; to detract; -- usually with from.

Or the Japanese definition:
1. To authorize and send (another person) as one's representative.
2. To commit or entrust to another: delegate a task to a subordinate.

You've Got Blog - THE NEW YORKER
... when you find an article or a Web site that grabs you, you link to it -- or, in weblog parlance, you "blog" it. Then other people who have blogs -- they are known as bloggers -- read your blog, and if they like it they blog your blog on their own blog.

Planet Project
3Com came up with the idea of using technology to serve as a digital mirror, enabling millions of people all over the world to see and then instantly compare themselves to one another in real time.

They must have seen am I HOT or NOT first.

Oh yeah, here's the back door for amihotornot.com. Ooooo Baby, She is a 10! Ouch!

Salon.com People | Becoming president under a noxious cloud

A reprehensible feature of the late weeks of the campaign was the vicious assault on Ralph Nader by liberal activists and even by the liberal press itself... Nader's superb speech at his final Nov. 5 "superrally" in Washington, as broadcast by C-Span, reconfirmed my enthusiastic endorsement of his views.

You tell 'em, Camille!

Modern Humorist - She Seems Open to Reason
According to objective measurements, efforts to stall the final vote certification in Florida have angered the Hebrew God and are causing Him to visit the land with plagues, of which the boil on Governor Bush's face is only the first.

Am I GEEK or NOT?
These guys look like a fun group!

Less is more work
Focusing on lighter and simpler web design is the way of the future.

Hi, this is Eric, and this is my first entry to Off on A Tangent. If I ramble, you'll forgive me.


I have a lot of strange ideas floating around in my head, many of which worry my friends and family. For example, I often make comments about the dystopic fantasy world in which I am a godlike ruler and despot. Nothing really cruel there, but people would need to pass a test to get their street-crossing license.

E-Quill : Yahoo! - News
Florida's Vote Recount is Mired in Confusion and now I can highlight the story and add a yellow sticky note to it! The web is cool. E-Quill has a nice little tool here.

Got a terribly funny email from my boss today:

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United States of America,

In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah,
which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony
Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America
without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to
determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary".
Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
"like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft
know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian
accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to
get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one
kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very
good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You
will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed
to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not
involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US
rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear
weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a
new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called
"Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

N.M. race tilts back toward Gore
In a strange twist, under New Mexico law, a tied result could force Bush and Gore to draw straws or play a hand of poker to settle the race.

Nation Plunges Into Chaos: Pro-Bush Rebels Seize Power In West; D.C. In Flames
Presidential-election-related violence continued to spread across the nation Tuesday, with Day Seven of the battle for the White House claiming another 1,200 lives.

AdFlip.com!
An archive of automobile, celebrity, audio magazines advertising and more. Mmmmmm, that Beverly Peanut Butter looks good!

Star Wars in Legos
I thought everyone would enjoy this

Angerson.com, The Unauthorized Autobiography of Joe Angerson
The five strangest things CBS anchor Dan Rather said during the election coverage...
This stuff is too weird to make up.

"This race is shakier than cafeteria Jell-o."

"If a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a hand gun."

"This race is tight like a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride home from the beach."

"This will show you how tight it is - it's spandex tight."

"This election swings like one of those pendulum things."

"This race is as tight as the rusted lug nuts on a 57 Ford."

A recent IM exchange:
kim000000: how do I keep disks from getting jammed in my disk drive
Creepy937: stop putting them in
Creepy937: try Pam
Creepy937: ..wait!
kim000000: wait what
Creepy937: only kidding
kim000000: I was thinkin wd40
Creepy937: do not try Pam
Creepy937: or wd40
Creepy937: that would be bad
kim000000: that stuff use to work
kim000000: yeah
kim000000: I figured

Download AOL Instant Messenger

Combined Exhibition of Advanced Technologies
When making a purchase decision, you sometimes say to yourself, I'll wait... because something better might come out in the future. Visit this page to see what you are waiting for.

Netscape 6 is out and ready to crash your computer.

I'm sick to death of Flash animations that take an hour to load, then display a companies poorly designed logo spinning like a broken top, while some cheesy, God-awful, early-80s synth-crap plays. This site is not one of those.

According to Anti-Personal Home Page FAQ:
from [/usr/bin/girl : ( just a digital girl ) ]

"There are already too many personal home pages cluttering up the Internet with information about people we know and care nothing about. Although our friends and family may get a big kick out of them, they are nonetheless filling up cyberspace with an inordinate amount of irrelevant information. In lieu of a home page of my own, I've posted this FAQ in hopes of dissuading people from uploading yet another "vanity" page to their Internet Service Provider."

Personally, I think everyone should have one of these vanity home pages. I think people need to celebrate the mundane, the personal and the specific. We spend a huge amount of our lives following what "important people" do and what "important people" think. Let us face it, most of them are really not important at all.

If George W. wins the election, will the world come to an end? I think it will hurt the country, but the newspaper will still be delivered and my gas stove will still work, and the garbage will still be collected. If George W. or Al Gore vanished tommorow, I think I could still live a happy and fulfilling life. If there was no Leo DiCaprio, I think the world would continue. And yet, some people feel that sharing ourselves on a personal level with the world is a bad thing. We should be paying more attention to scientists and politicians and investment bankers, they say, but if someone writes a touching personal essay about how sad they were when their dog died, or how happy they were when they found a rare baseball card sold cheap, that can, to my mind, be even more important than anything Stephen Hawking has to say about the first four minutes of the universe.

Oh, well, just had to get that off of my chest.

Electoral College Sportswear
If you REALLY want to order something, how about new T-Shirts and sweatshirts?

Before I forget to remind you, order something. No, I don't know what you'll receive either. If anyone actually places an order, let me know.

Have you ever thought, "I wish there were a website that listed guests from the Love Boat who have passed away"? This is your lucky day! Yes, Don Ameche made the list.

Police find $8,000 in man's buttocks. I just want to know how they knew to check there.

eBay item 493336738 (Ends Nov-18-00 14:26:29 PST) - Meet Valeria Mazza, International Supermodel
Get your bids in now.

DaveNet : Pull Back from Partisanship
"Could you accept a President who you hate with a passion?" ... "Of course, think of all the fun we can have ridiculing him."

RollingStone.com: Photos
ANGELINA JOLIE wet! There are others too...

Nude news outrages Church and Mafia
The Roman Catholic Church and the Sicilian Mafia have joined forces in an unlikely alliance to campaign against naked newcasts on Italian television.

No one expects the Italian Inquisition!

Gore Could Win If Fla. Race Is Unresolved by Dec. 18 (washingtonpost.com)
- The 12th Amendment to the Constitution specifically provides that an incomplete electoral college can produce a valid presidential selection
- If neither candidate wins a majority, the constitution calls for the presidential election to be taken up by the House of Representatives.
- The Senate would have the job of selecting a vice president ...the winner could be either Republican Richard B. Cheney or Lieberman.

Amazon.com--Earth's Biggest Selection [ from metafilter]
Amazon.com's user interface is easy to navigate, just as easy as a Palm Beach County Ballot. Now. Check out Amazon.com's sense of humor.

Caller to 96.9FM TALK in Boston:
George Bush is smart enough, to know that he's dumb enough, to need to surround himself with smart people.

PEOPLE.com | The Daily
Troubled skater Tonya Harding is back with the guy she once hit with a hubcap.

And she'll hit him again if he even thinks about leaving her.

George W. Bush is picking his cabinet members. Too bad he isn't using am i hot or not as his primary search tool because Ralph Nader would probably be Secretary of State. Let's face it, he is HOT!

From: fuckedcompany.com
I'm out of dog food and my cat's box needs new litter. I know what I'll do: I'll order Dog Chow and Fresh Step online from a sock puppet, and then I'll watch the dog starve and the cat shit all over the house while I wait for it to be delivered!
Pets.com is over.

Sex That's Out of This World
...experiments revealed that sex in zero gravity would be easier if a helpful astronaut was available to assist the copulating couple by holding one of the two participants in place

Net Traffic at All-Time High
Election hits a lot of internet stuffs. And the hits keep coming.

Most Promiscuous Species Have The Highest WBC Counts
A new study indicates that evolution of the immune system may be directly linked to the sexual activity of a species. A comparative analysis of 41 primate species demonstrates that the most promiscuous species have naturally higher white blood cell (WBC) counts -- the first line of defense against infectious disease -- than more monogamous species.

Not only will you not go blind, but you'll stop getting colds, improve your posture and get a raise!

Boston.com / Politics / Campaign 2000 / News
MIAMI -- The U.S. election controversy has got the Miami relatives of Cuban castaway Elian Gonzalez steamed up again.

Apparently, whoever loses the election will be sent back to Cuba.

Boston.com / Politics / Campaign 2000 / News
BOSTON -- Forget the soap box in the public square. The Internet is fast becoming the latest forum for protests over the ongoing vote imbroglio in Florida.

That's right! All of us webheads can meditate on what Captain Picard would do, or come up with a funny hand puppet that tells people to support Gore, or get people really into politics and then disconnect them...

I was going to write something scathing about MSNBC, but I'm worried about what Microsoft will do to retaliate.

Blockbuster is renting the PlayStation® 2 .

Here's the fine print in their Terms and Conditions
3. Any rented item not returned to the proper BLOCKBUSTER® store within 10 days after rental may, at the option of BLOCKBUSTER, be converted from a rental to a sale. Member is responsible for the full retail price of the unreturned item plus all rental and extended viewing fees and other related charges arising from the rental prior to the conversion to a sale.

So for all of you who didn't manage to get one, here's your chance. Just rent to own from Blockbuster!

When we go to lunch, we always pick places with lousy service, because then we have an excuse for being late.

The problem with being a geek is that no one laughs when you make jokes about command-line switches.

I don't feel like writing meta-tags, but I still want this page to show up on search engins, so:
Lesbo Action, hardcore, teens, hooters, Pokemon

That ought to get us indexed.

For all of you who think wireless is the answer to everything I say:
That's Wapped!

I discovered today that I am the only Jew in the world who has never had brisket. Oy guvult!

Modern Humorist takes a tour of the graphic design capital of America, Palm Beach.

Dan Bricklin writes: On other parts of the ballot (for Senator and other offices) there was only one column -- the first name corresponded to the first hole, the second name to the second hole, etc.

Florida's Other Proposed Ballots
Palm Beach, Florida - Due to the controversy surrounding the current election ballots, the following alternative ballots for Florida's election have been released.

WitCity: The Controversial Palm Beach Ballot

I wish p2p's weekly meeting is gonna be a funny meeting, like yesterday's tech meeting...

Let's go to the meeting!

From the Official Gore-Lieberman campaign web site! William Daley writes, "today the appropriate Florida democratic officials will be requesting a hand count of the ballots, in palm beach county as well as three other counties - Vollusia, Dade, and Broward - where we have spotted oddities in the vote. Let's make sure that voters, not machines pick our President."

I'm thinking that maybe a machines might be more accurate. Maybe that's just me.

While you're on the site, view the source code for a special message from Al Gore.

FuckedCompany.com - The Dot-com Deadpool has this today:
The funny thing is that Evite.com me-too site Mambo.com just closed shop today, after Evite's big layoff party yesterday. Do you think Evite sent an Evite invitation out to all the employees it was about to can? Something like, "You are invited to a mandatory meeting at 4:00. Oh, and pack up your shit." So you'd think that Mambo would be psyched that Evite is fucked -- less competition, right? Wrong! Well sort of. I mean, like, when your service is free and generates no revenue, the last thing you want are more users... right?

Funny stuff.

If you liked Pulp Fiction, I think you'll like the new video Boondock Saints, The (1999). Two brothers go on a killing spree to rid Boston of bad guys. Both dark and funny. I have to admit that liberal use of the F-word was pretty funny. Willem Dafoe is awesome in the lead role. I had the opportunity to work on the movie when it was filmed in Boston. I spent a day on the set when the prison scene was filmed in the now abandoned Charles Street jail. It took a whole day to film what eneded up as about 5 minutes on film. Check out this Boston Phoenix review that tells the great story about the director Troy Duffy.

Distort the future president. Try giving him a long nose. Fun for a few minutes.

Boston.com reports that Palm Beach voter Kenneth Horowitz, owner of the Miami Fusion soccer team and a registered independent, filed a lawsuit along with two other people. The suit contended poll workers told voters they had only five minutes to cast their ballots and anyone who took longer would have his ballot tossed out.

What's he complaining about? That's 3 minutes more that the standard 2 minute warning.

Pepsi, Pepsi. No coke

Today we had a really good meeting and lunch. The best part of the day was when our meeting went off on a tangent and we started discussing the current election. After lots of talk about Saturday Night Live and the Hamburger sketch (watch it in the screening room Season 3-5 3/18/78), we decided that this stuff had to be logged somewhere.