A book: The Gospel According to The Simpsons: The Spiritual Life of the World's Most Animated Family.

"God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game. Why do you mock me O Lord?" --Homer

A web site: The Simpsons Archive has it all. The have really cool things like episode capsules which give you everything you ever wanted to know about a Simpsons episode and more.

A favorite episode of mine is Dancin' Homer. I saw it in a movie theatre. Oh yeah. It was the best way to watch a Simpsons episode. Imagine sitting in a theatre with others who are laughing at the same silly references that you thought no one else got. The theatre was in the Museum of Television & Radio where you can watch and listen to over 100,000 television and radio programs. Next month they are showing, "From Albert Brooks to the TV Funhouse: Selected Short Films from Saturday Night Live." If you go there you can also sign up to personally view almost any TV show ever made. I watched the first episode of The Odd Couple. It was still funny. It even included the original commercials.

I wonder how long it'll take for major media outlets to start covering the Free TV's Wil Wheaton campaign?

...on a recent trip to Russia, TV's WIL WHEATON was arrested by KGB agents for Acts Against the Soviet State.

I hope he's all right because I'm addicted to his weblog.

It's alive. It's alive. Daypop searches the living web.

Movie-A-Minute.

Titanic
Leonardo DiCaprio
Your social class is stuffy. Let's dance with the ship's rats and have fun.

Kate Winslet
You have captured my heart. Let's run around the ship and giggle.
(The ship SINKS.)

Leonardo DiCaprio
Never let go.

Kate Winslet
I promise.
(lets go)

via [ 3bruces ], two in a row. They rock!

Virtual Strippers.
via [ 3bruces ]

I just got AT&T Broadband Digital Cable installed. First impressions, A Dating Story and A Wedding Story are still there! Whew. I think I have a little addiction problem going on. The Dating Story has a much nicer tone than Blind Date.

The on screen guide has 1/3 of the screen taken up by ads. What a waste. When you change channels there's a delay before the station displays. What's that all about?

With six versions of HBO and a ton of new stations I'll need to spend some time researching all my new options.

While I'm away watching TV, you can have fun at the new Alan Thicke weblog or you could just get serious and go see the Wil Wheaton weblog. It's holding up after days of continued viewing.

Bill Simmons reviews Summer Catch.

Jessica Biel ...is... the token "ravenously attractive rich chick who's also really nice and doesn't exist in real life in any way, shape or form"

I love Bill Simmons... I mean Jessica Biel... D'oh... You know what I mean.

Eightball Magazine says:

Fact: 6 out of 10 Americans believe Joan of Arc is Noah's Wife.

via [ skomsvold ], an interesting guy who, if I'm reading his writings correctly and making the correct assumptions, replaced his Drug Addiction with Coffee.

We love Nomar Garciaparra in Boston. We love him so much that a local ice cream store, JP Licks, has named a flavor after him, Cherry Garciaparra. It's Vanilla, Cherry Chunks and Chocolate bits!

It's their local take on Cherry Garcia, which was Ben & Jerry's #1 flavor for July 2001!

Kevin Smith's First Kiss Comic.

I read this in the New York Times Magazine on Sunday and found the online link at the always amusing The Ultimate Insult.

I showed the comic to my wife, who took one look at it and gave me a look that said, "you want me to read a comic?" I keep telling her that if she just gave The Simpsons a chance, she'd like it. Then again, maybe not.

Kenny Kramer is running for Mayor of New York.

THE SPORTS CLUB/LA - Boston

The Sports Club/LA in Boston is a 100,000 square foot luxury sports and fitness complex designed to fulfill your every fitness need.

Last night we went to the grand opening of the Sports Club/LA - Boston. Wow! What a place. It's located just across from the Boston Common. As we entered the club there were models in black dresses serving champagne. Nice touch. We took a tour through the club. The main exercise room has a beautiful view of Boston including the State House.

The tour included the woman's locker room. Guess what? They don't have ski lifts in there!

At the conclusion of the tour we ended up in the basketball court, which was transformed into a tropical island. They did a lot better dressing up the gym than my high school class did back in the day. And back in high school we certainly didn't have an open bar, chicken, salmon, etc...

Guys, this is the club to join if you want to meet some beautiful women. Of course you'll need to have gotten over your high school fear of asking girls out. Try just talking to them first. If that doesn't work, you still have the excersise equipment with personal cable TV.

Judas Priest Distances Themselves From Rock Star

The New York Times' headline read, "Metal-Head becomes Metal-God." The August 1997 story by Andrew C. Revkin was about Tim "Ripper" Owens, a devout Judas Priest follower from Ohio who played in a Priest cover band. When original Priest vocalist Rob Halford quit the band in 1992, two fans sent the group a grainy videotape of Owens, whose singing voice bears an uncanny resemblance to Halford's. After viewing the tape, the band auditioned, and subsequently hired, the young American to be their new vocalist.

The Rock Star Soundtrack comes out today and has a great song by Everclear.

The Ultimate Internet Mind Virus

I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over.

Here's the antidote.

Roger Avary's Journal has all the behind the scenes info you'd ever want to read about and more for his movie The Rules of Attraction.

via [ parallax view ]

Last night I saw Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes, and Graham Parker at a free concert in Boston.

You know how you go to these things hoping to hear all the old songs from the 80's, and all they want to do is play you new stuff from their soon to be released album? There's Graham Parker singing, "My Kids Go Through Clothes". Geesh.

I guess the best thing to do would be to buy a record player and just listen to the old stuff when I'm down in the basement.

Teacher finds an island of talent.

''These shows have a kind of simplicity and purity that has to do with the people who live here,'' said Andre Bishop, the director of New York City's Lincoln Center, who has a summer house across the harbor and saw the musical Thursday night. ''There is a kind of truthfulness that would be the envy of many highly trained and gifted actors.''

Cindy Bullens did the music.

Rageboy brought his weblog back from the dead. You might find some interesting and humorous content there. We'll see.

He calls it The EGR Weblog.

Wil Wheaton's Weblog.

A woman dies leaping through her car's sunroof when events convince her that Jesus has returned.

via [ Rageboy ]

Just got in from a sneak preview of Rockstar. It Rocked! The movie stars Mark Wahlberg and Jennifer Aniston. Wahlberg was at the Fenway General Cinema tonight to introduce the movie. He said that he thinks it's his best movie yet. Jeff Pilson was there too.

The story takes place in the 80's and features Mark as the lead singer of BloodPollution, a tribute band for Steel Dragon. The movie shows what happens when he gets the chance to take the place of Steel Dragon's lead singer.

If you're into 80's music, humor, a love story, sex, drugs and rock and roll, this movie is for you!

Nina and Samantha are a couple of groupies that have lots more info for you.

If you go to the movie, make sure you stay for the credits!

Joe Lavin's Humor Column

Wherever I go, I hear a constant chatter of strange greetings -- "Hello, Sir," "Hello, friend," "Hello, sneaker," and the particularly hard-to-resist "Hello, lookie, lookie!"

Joe has more amusing stories from his trip to China, take a lookie.

What do You Think?

Wired Magazine needs your votes for the Rave Awards.

The Cultural Innovator category has Ang Lee,Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon vs. David Chase and James Gandolfini, The Sopranos vs. Evan Williams, Blogger vs. Hironobu Sakaguchi, Final Fantasy vs. Thomas Krens, Director of Guggenheim Museums Worldwide.

Vote Evan! Vote Evan!

37signals has designed the ultimate online banking interface at 37FAKEBANK.

It's Liz McLarnon Day over at Wacky Brit. Liz is an Atomic Kitten.

They are charging Brian K. West with downloading a Perl script which they value at $5,000. Paragraph 17 of the affadavit talks about West gaining access to 1st National Bank of McAlester on at least three occations, with the ability to look at customer's checking and savings accounts.

Jimformation on Marilyn Manson and B'rynnformation.

TNN has a couple of new shows featuring real people. Small Shots is casting local people in 3 minute spoofs of major theatrical films. Lifegame features an improv troupe that acts out an audience member's life story.

Everything you know is wrong.

NASA faked the moon landings!

This is what musical theatre in Boston is all about!
I saw Mamma Mia! last night at the Colonial Theatre in Boston. The cast was exceptional! I'm probably an average fan of ABBA, whose songs the musical is based on. I knew maybe half the songs, but some people around me knew all of them. It was funny when an actor would start singing an ABBA song and there would be murmurs in the audience of recognition and smiles at how well the song fit into the story line.

Dee Hoty as the mother stole the show. She rocks. It really seemed like she had a great time performing. Michelle Aravena as the daughter also had a beautiful voice. My wife enjoyed all the young men with their washboard abs. Craig Bennett looks a lot like the guy who played the desk clerk on ER.

If you have a chance to see this play, do it.

Did you ever want to throw balloons off the top of the Golden Gate bridge? Well, now you can.

Superman Lives!

Superman would've been dead as white weddings if it weren't for the fact that he's from Krypton -- whatever the hell that is -- which means he can't be killed.

I was reading all about one man's vision of Kevin Smith's script at heygregory.com and decided to take a look at it. It's funny. I'll warn you though, once you start reading, it'll be hard for you to stop.
via [ Drew's Script-O-Rama ]

I really don't have anything to protest against but I like the idea.

Gallery: New Top 10 Offenders

Simply gratuitous use of naked female body to sell high-end electronic gizmo to gullible (mostly male) public.

Shocking.

The entire text of the Cluetrain Manifesto is now online.

A new book from its co-author, Chris Locke, has it's own Gonzo website.
Note: This page says, "Gonzo" when you load it.

I once heard a talk on aircraft design in which the speaker explained the aerodynamic basis for a scene in a movie I saw as a kid. I can't recall the name of the film, but I've often used this scenario as an analogy for solving critical problems by going against "the rules" dictated by the sort of sanity and logic that would apply under normal conditions. In the movie, various test pilots attempt to fly an experimental plane capable of supersonic speed. As the plane approaches Mach 1, something strange happens to the controls. Instead of causing the plane to climb, pulling back on the stick puts it into a dive, with terminal consequences for both plane and pilot. Finally, our hero, Chuck Yeager, breaks the sound barrier and lives to tell about it by reversing the normal procedure. As the plane begins to bore in, he pushes forward on the stick instead of pulling it back. The story may be apocryphal, but the point is that the pilot never would have survived unless he did something that was -- according to all available evidence up until that time -- a little crazy.

German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder looks like he knows how to have a good time!

It's one of yesterday's Day in Photos.

Did you know that you can use Word, Excel and PowerPoint files on any Palm?

THESTINGRAY.NET
Uncovers Evidence of Rigging on "MANHUNT,"
Another VIACOM Reality T.V. Game Show

"The allegations of rigging in the (Manhunt) production and the post production re-cutting to include phony scenes, story lines and a misrepresentation to viewers of the game's rules, raise some of the most serious questions of programming practices in recent memory," said Steve Beverly, Professor of Broadcasting at Union University in Jackson, Tennessee.

Manhunt is a gameshow on TV?

I put up a direct link to Late Night Jokes over there on the right hand side of the page. This makes it easy for you to check out those jokes you might have missed on Leno and Letterman.

So You Wanna be a movie extra?
via [ 3bruces ] via [ Funky Helix ]

Has this ever happened to you?

You're sitting at your desk, calmly plugging through the work you've got to do that day, when all of the sudden you realize that the work is meaningless. Not just to you, but will contribute nothing to the end goal - what you're building, what you're creating, whatever. It's just an endless list of "to do's" that get forwarded day after day.

Time to decide what you want out of life. Maybe it's cheese?

Word is that Jamie-Lynn Sigler, she plays Meadow Soprano, is going to join the Girls of Maxim.

Seven Habits of Sensitive, Celibate Men.
It seems that these are bad habits meant to be broken .

Don't Eat The Marshmallow Right Away

The ones who had resisted the marshmallow were clearly more socially competent than the others. ``They were less likely to go to pieces, freeze or regress under stress, or become rattled and disorganized when pressured; they embraced challenges and pursued them instead of giving up even in the face of difficulties; they were self-reliant and confident, trustworthy and dependable.''

via [ Signal vs. Noise ]

The Library of Congress is doing some amazing work. Making Color Images from Prokudin-Gorskii's Negatives explains the process of restoring these of images from Russia.

Outfitted with a specially equipped railroad car darkroom provided by Tsar Nicholas II, and in possession of two permits that granted him access to restricted areas and cooperation from the empire's bureaucracy, Prokudin-Gorskii documented the Russian Empire around 1907 through 1915.

via [ Scripting News ]

Everyone searching for Charlotte Hobrough nude, will happy happy to hear about the new Survivor UK behind the scenes tape. It sounds better than the Survivor we saw here in the US. They should make it an HBO Special.
via [ parallax view ]

Larry Ellison declares war!

Ellison's declaration of a "war on complexity" urges enterprise users to end application customization by changing their business processes to fit Oracle's technology—in other words, no customization, particularly with applications in the company's year-old 11i e-business suite.
"You shouldn't be writing C code. You shouldn't be writing custom sets of programs and, my God, you shouldn't be changing our computer programs," Ellison told an auditorium packed with Oracle customers at the Oracle AppsWorld user conference in New Orleans this spring.

I have been thinking this way for years. I agree with Larry. Instead of generating an RFP with a million pages of detailed desires and needs based on the way things have always been done or how you think they should be done, why not use some exisiting software that closely meets your needs? Software that has a support and an upgrade structure in place? We use Word, Excel, Internet Explorer and Quicken without any trouble. How different can your Order Entry be?

I dream in color. Do you?

I just woke up from the most amazing dream.

I dreamt that I was looking out the window and saw trees flying by in the sky. I was so lifelike. They were dark green evergreens. I think I might have been thinking about the Tornado that hit Danvers two days ago. My friend Bill T. was telling me about it and said that he had never seen anything like it in his life. He was so excited about telling me about it.

Also in the dream I saw cats with dog heads and dogs with chicken head hands. What's that all about?

Real Beer Page: BeerLog
Mmmmm Beer.

This page is a weblog about beer news.

Today I went ot a cookout and there was an Ipswich IPA in the cooler, so I tried it. Hey, when you go to a cookout and the host says, go get a beer in the cooler, I figure that it means I can take any beer. Any beer I put in there are free for anyone else to take.

Anyways, I liked it. It was a beer full of flavor. I can't tell you what all the flavors were, but there were flavors in there.

Later on I went to an anniversary party and had a Samuel Adams Boston Lager. You can't go wrong with a Sam Adams.

Look for Samuel Adams Light in a bar near you. I saw it up in Maine a few days ago.

For Boston readers, here's a bumper sticker for you to put on your car to welcome Opie and Anthony back to Boston.

Opie and Anthony had a Siberian Tiger on their show today.

I'm so happy they are back in Boston.

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Inboxer Rebellion (Shark Attack)
THE UNCLE THAT WRESTLED THE SHARK ASHORE WAS FISHING FOR SHARKS, HAD IT ON A LINE AND HAD BEEN FIGHTING IT FOR TWO HOURS PLUS.

Not!

Just a heads up to another urban legend that might be in your inbox some day soon. I just got this one in an email. I forwarded the urban legend link along, so the person who sent it to me won't send me any more stupid emails.

It took a while, but I found the 2001-2002 Fall Primetime Schedule in grid format.

I always love to read the new Fall TV schedule when it comes out. I usually have a pretty good eye for finding the shows that will make it.

Here are some of the shows I'll be taking a look at:

Sundays are for Futurama and The Simpsons. I don't know what Alias is, but if it's anything like Alias Smith and Jones, I'll be watching.

Monday I'll be watching Boston Public at 8:00 with renewed interest because Jerri Ryan is joining the cast. 9:00 Ally McBeal. 10:00 Crossing Jordan. It takes place in Boston and has Ken Howard from The White Shadow in it. What's not to like? Ha, Ha.

Tuesday at 9:00 will be tough unless you have a VCR. Bob Patterson starring George from Seinfeld is up against Smallville, the Superboy series. Scrubs comes in at 9:30, which looks like a slapstick ER. I guess I'll watch Smallville live and tape the two others. Also at 9:00 is 24, which I don't think is a look at Store 24 surveilance tapes, so maybe I'll look at it during commercials. 10:00 Philly with Kim Delaney is up against Judging Amy, which I never watched anyways. Easy choice - Go Philly!

Wednesday at 8:00. What have they done! Ed is scheduled against Enterprise. Scott Bakula is going to be awesome as the Captain of the new Enterprise, but I'm already hooked on Ed. VCR comes into play again for Ed, or should I say record. 9:00 West Wing, I guess I'm getting hooked on this one (9:30 VCR for The Job, Lenny Clarke is the best.), 10:00 I'll give Wolf Lake a try.

Thursday. This looks like a big night. This kind of night makes me wish they could split Thursday into two nights. OK, so I'll be watching Survivor 3, Tempation Island 2, and ER live. I'll have to tape Popstars 2, so much better than Making the Band, and Inside Schwartz, the previews look funny, I hope the show is as funny.

Friday and Saturday look pretty pathetic. Maybe there's something on cable.

Grilling Them For Answers

Did Frito-Lay scientists find a way to dehydrate KC Masterpiece sauce?

I like the idea behind this site. Write letters to corporations asking about stupid stuff. I read a book like this once. I called M&M Candy to tell them I found a square M&M, they sent me a coupon for a free bag.
via [ Parallax View ]

I just read a great recap, of that HBO series that goes behind the scenes of the Baltimore Ravens training camp, by my new favorite sports writer Bill Simmons. I agree with most of his article except the parts about Tony Siragusa, I think what we're seeing is the real Tony. Tony rocks! The show is on again tonite at 11:00 on HBO.

'We'll Be Dancing Again,' Shark Victim's Wife Says

``Once the shark pulled him under, to start punching the shark and to grab his own leg out of the shark's mouth, who thinks of that?'' she said. ``...And the determination, the resilience to swim back to shore with his leg bleeding. It's amazing.''

There are conflicting reports about the lifeguards on the beach. The victims' wife says that the lifeguards wouldn't swim out to help him, but the hotel manager says they did. I'll be very interested to hear more about this story.

Clint Howard is cool. He has a really big part on the HBO mini-series, To The Moon.

Over 100 Harvard students and graduates have contributed to SparkNotes. You can even use them in your reports as long as you cite them.

British 3 year old swims in pool.

The Seattle Times: One man's notes from inside the inferno

Then I felt as if I were being pelted by a thousand snowballs as a barrage of embers, broken tree branches and ash pelted the shelter. It came in several intense waves and at one point I thought surely I would be dead before this was all over. I thought about my family and friends and got lost momentarily in desperation.

via [ a fire inside ]

The new CNN Headline news debuts tomorrow, featuring Andrea Thompson as an anchor.

Thompson starred for four years on ABC's award-winning drama NYPD Blue as detective Jill Kirkendall. She has extensive film and television credits to her name, including roles on Bablylon 5 and Jag.

Maybe if Kim Delaney's new show Philly doesn't work out, she'll get a shot at the anchor desk too. We can only hope.

Hasbro Unleashes POX On Children of Chicago.

Now you can rent a married priest.

Ed and Julie have traveled to Europe over 40 times and put all their knowledge up on a web site for free. It looks like a lot of people enjoy what they are doing because there are lots of submissions from people on the site who are not Ed and Julie.

Last night I caught the HBO show, Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Baltimore Ravens. It's a cinema verite series that follows the Ravens through this years' training camp. NFL Films is involved, so the production is really well done.

Tony Siragusa is my new favorite NFL player. I love how he tells it like it is and enjoys telling the interns and rookies what to do. I used to be an intern once, so I know what it's like. They're lucky to have Tony telling them what to do.

Do I have anything left?

I shattered the land-speed record getting there in time for Seaver's arrival; he seemed friendly enough when we were introduced, despite the fact I was staring at him with one of those "HOLY CRAP! IT'S TOM SEAVER!" expressions on my face. We made some small talk ... and then it happened.

"Hey, why don't you grab a bat and come outside with us?" Seaver asked me. "You can pretend you're a batter. I want to gauge what it's like to pitch with somebody standing there."

Follow the link to read the whole story by Bill Simmons who just made it to the big time and is writing three columns a week for espn.com's Page 2.

Now you can put the president in your pocket!

KEVIN SMITH SAYS HE'S "KNEE-DEEP IN GAYNESS".

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Here's a Clerks drinking game for you Vanilla Soy Milk drinkers. My doctor says that Silk is the best Soy Milk. I agree. It tastes great in coffee. You can use it in a bland type of cereal like Total, and it sweetens it up. It's good for you too.

Note: Even though a carton of Soy Milk, that you buy today, has an expiration date of October, you need to use the milk up within 7-10 days of opening the carton.

She just slipped and broke some dishes in her hotel room.

BLOODSOAKED Mariah Carey was wearing just a black slip and high heels when she slashed her wrist, it emerged last night.

via [ Drudge Report ]

www.oreilly.com -- In Memory of Frank Willison

"This morning, the ever-vigilant Boston Herald reported that, on the Riverway, right on my commuting route, a motorist had been attacked by a squirrel, which had leapt out of a tree, through her open sunroof, and onto her head. (Throwing off journalistic restraints, the Herald ran a front-page teaser: 'Psycho Squirrel: crazed critter drops in on pregnant driver.') If this attack was a harbinger of a larger Emerald-Necklace rodent uprising, how much more attractive would I be, with my large reflective head and hunched-over, fully-exposed back, traveling at the speed of easy prey? In spite of these worries, I pressed ahead. God gave Man dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth, and I wasn't going to be the guy who gave it back because of one psycho squirrel."

When I'm dead, please link to my writings at Humor in the News.

Watching Baseball Song by Ryanne (2 yrs old)

We're watching the man catch the ball
and then he throws the ball
and then another man swings his stick...and he misses
so he has to go away and play with somebody else...

There must be more to life than this.

Follow Norman on his quest to find the meaning of his life.

Now you can hook a Homer Simpson Dot Pal up to your computer and have him say "Doh" when you make a typo. He says other stuff too. You know, funny Homer Simpson stuff.

Make sure you have headphones on for this page if you're in an office that frowns upon Homer Simpson talking out loud.