Can you say A S S H O L E?

"Osama bin Laden can kiss my white Irish ass."
Bono at U2's concert last night at the Dunkin' Donuts Center

Hmm... This quote seems to be catching on.

$35 -- Las Vegas Hilton, Incl. FREE Star Trek Tickets!

This is a great deal. If you can get to Vegas, make sure you check out the Star Trek experience at the Hilton.

Peace on Earth: By Tomorrow Afternoon.

The first jack o' lanterns were made of turnips.

Who Wants to Be A Millionaire for Star Trek Fans.

Monopoly Cards We'd Like To See.

Rejected Crayons.

The Tuesday Night Movie Club maps the line between entertainment and crap.

They've got good Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002) info there.

I don't follow the video game world, but was in CompUSA this morning and saw an Xbox sitting there. Is that unusual?

I played Oddworld: Munch's Oddesee. It was a demo version of the program that had arrows and signs telling you what to do. My type of game. The signs said things like, "Stand Here and Press 'A' to Pull Lever." I won! The graphics and sound were nice. More on Oddworld is here.

Paint the Moon Red?

To unite millions of people in an effort to 'paint' a red spot on the dark portion of a first-quarter moon using common laser pointers during a five-minute period this autumn.

Yeah right... that'll work.

randomwhim.com likes the same kind of links I like.

Heather Locklear Loves Denise Richards. They kiss.

"Heather is so funny," says Richards. "We laughed a lot." The feeling was mutual. "I knew how sexy Denise was," says Locklear. "When it really happened [on camera, with Richards], I have never felt such beautiful, soft lips in my life. I fell in love."

Hmm... love, exciting and new!

The Virtual Stapler never runs out of staples.
[ via The Ultimate Insult ]

Tribute to American Spirit PhotoQuilt.
[ via refdesk.com ]

Here's a nice profile of Ashleigh Banfield. In it, we learn that Ashleigh used to sing with Tommy Hyatt and the Haywires and wears $400 Lafont eyeglasses.

He's Cal. I'm not.

I found some more really old buttons and put them up on eBay:

Batman and Robin Society Charter Member
Nixon for President - Lady Bird Strat Packing
Hebrew/English Nixon for President
I LIKE IKE Eisenhower for President
We Want The Beatles Back
The Who Madison Square Garden 1979
War is not healthy for children and other living things
NFL Boston Patriots (New England)

Austin Powers in Blue Suit - Life-Size Standup 5'10" tall

Marines will hunt al-Qa'ida in caves

...lessons from the Kosovo conflict had not been learned
...battle tanks broke down when their air filters became choked with sand
...rubber covers on tank tracks were destroyed by stones
...they were told to buy their own boots
...their SA 80 rifle(s) were jamming.

Hmm... there's a lot of sand over there?

Pakistanis Leave for Holy War.

Is there a diplomatic reason they won't get slaughtered from the air as soon as they cross the border?

[ via Robot Wisdom ]

Goal: Write three stories in six days.

Georges Polti says that all stories boil down to just 36 dramatic situations and takeoffs of those situations.

Chris Crawford's Erasmatron story engine.

My wife needed to get her car jump started today.

I am always wary of jump starting a car because I saw a car battery explode into someones face when they attached the jumper cable incorrectly.

The battery acid went into his face. We rushed him into our house and washed out his eyes. After he was taken to the hospital, we were told that he was very lucky to have kept his eyesight.

Please read this page that explains how to jump start a battery, in case you ever find yourself with a dead battery.

Remember FDNY firefighter Michael Moran who told bin Laden, "Kiss my royal Irish ass!" at the VH1 Concert for New York?

Now here's the REST of the story.

Aggressively endowed Jeri Ryan joins the cast of Boston Public Monday night.
[ via TV Barn ]

JimFormation has a great and now you know... the REST of the story story.

After you read it, come back here for more.

I saw K-Pax last night and my friend Simon dared me to put the K-PAX poster, I took from the theatre, up on eBay. Here's the K-PAX poster on eBay. I told him that people will buy anything on eBay.

After coming home from the movie I had to read all the K-PAX reviews to see if I understood the ending.


[Stop reading here if you don't want to know the ending]


None of the reviewers actually comes out and describes the meaning of the ending. I guess that's good, because I hate it when a movie reviewer gives away the end of a movie.


[Really... I mean it, stop reading here if you don't want to know the ending]


Roger Ebert comes close when he says, "perhaps Prot simply borrowed a human form."

I think that Prot came down to earth and borrowed Proctor's body after Proctor jumped into the water. At that point, Prot used the body to tour the planet. Prot was swinging Jeff Bridges daughter with the other guy's deeper memories. At the end, when Prot jumped on a beam of light and left, Proctor was left having to deal with seven lost years and the trauma of what happend at the cabin.

A few places I visited this morning that might require a return visit:

markand.com. He lends books and captures conversations..
bits. He bought a Jetta.
kottke.org. He has 'not recommended at all' links.

So you wanna be a Sitcom Writer?
Drew's TV Script-o-rama.
The Simpsons Archive.

On this day in history.

The Remote Lounge is now open. Can you believe that pretty girls are exposing their breasts and allowing web cams to save pictures of them on a free website?

Daily Hot News International, Islamabad.

Taliban executed held opposition leader Abdul Haq
US bombs & missiles killed more than 1000 civilians in Afghnistan
US bombing campaign suffers double setback
Taliban warn ex-king's supporters to keep out of Afghanistan
15000 turn up for "million man" march in Karachi
FBI testing documents seized from the apartment of two Indians

Survivor: Why Carl Lost and Surviving Africa, Episode 3: The Generation Gap by David Bloomberg.

Brutality smeared in peanut butter.

Will burning the haystack find you the needle? Or will it escalate the anger and make the world a living hell for all of us?

broomeman.com

I went to the Boston Windows XP launch this morning. Three Thousand people showed up and there was still enough coffee, juice and muffins for everyone. At the break, there was a nice selection of Evian or Perrier water along with some king sized candy bars, Smartfood and NutriGrain bars. I filled out a survey and got a t-shirt. Overall, it was a nice event. They even gave me a coupon for discounted parking in the hotel.

Oh yeah, the presentation was well done. An audience member won $500 by playing Microsoft's new bowling game.

People trapped at the top of the burning World Trade Centre could have been rescued if doors to the roof had not been locked.

Will Smith, "...I could be the President of the U.S. if I really wanted to."
via [ Drudge Report ]

Is that 1,000 songs in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

The Christian Science Monitor's Daily Update follows the best news and opinion, on the Web, about the war against terrorism.

Mike Barnicle is now playing the audio of New York Firefighter Michael Moran saying, "Osama bin Laden, you can kiss my royal Irish ass" at the beginning of his radio show everyday.

Finally, someone on the radio agrees that was the highlight of the VH1 Concert for New York.

Last Minute Halloween Costume ideas.
via [ Site du Jour of the Day ]

Barry Crimmins: Quips and Comments 10-19-2001

With the anthrax panic in full bloom, that "send a dollar to the White House to help Afghan kids" idea now costs four dollars in security procedures for every buck it raises.

RedDwarf likes it when I tell stories here. Ok, here goes.

Saturday morning my wife took me to her health club and I took a class. Back in the old days I used to do aerobics with her and haven't done anything like that in a very long time. This class was a weight training class that used weights, bars, rubbers stretchy things and steps. It was a great workout and I can still feel it. Her club is probably the best place in Boston to meet women. She doesn't mind if I look. Too bad men can't get into the woman's sauna. I hear they are nude in there!

On Saturday afternnoon we finally got to see Serendipity. I loved it. It's my kind of story, Boy Gets Girl, Boy Looses Girl, Boy Gets Girl. It's that standard plotline of 75% of the movies out there. Even though I knew that was the plotline before going in, I was totally into this movie. Kate Beckinsale had a lot to do with that. John Cusack is cool. Just as cool as he was in Say Anything. Jeremy Piven was in there with him too. After the movie we went into town and ate some amazing salmon at The Vault. Sam Adams Octoberfest was on tap. It's the perfect beer for fall. It's in the finiancial district. After that we got home in time to see most of the VH1 Concert for New York. It rocked.

Sunday we woke up to weather reports of temperatures in the 70's, so we drove down to Cape Cod. It only takes a hour and a half from our house. That rocks. We stopped off at the 99 Restaurant and got lunch to eat on the beach. We went over to Seagull Beach and had lunch on a blanket and then took a nice walk. There were tons of sea shells washed up on shore. Cape Cod beaches are the best. We are so lucky that they are so close. We did some shopping nad then hung out at The Chatham Bars Inn. We had some beers at the bar and watched the New England Patriots have their best game in years. We were thinking of staying the night, but decided to eat dinner and then drive back, so we went to Captain Parkers Pub for the best Clam Chowder in New England, had some beers and then drove home.

That's freedom!

It was a great weekend.

Concert for New York on VH1.

My Highlights:

Adam Sandler as Operaman.

Will Ferrell as George Bush.

Paul McCartney singing his new song Freedom with the line, "I will fight for the right to live in freedom."

New York Firefighter Michael Moran saying, "Osama bin Laden, you can kiss my royal Irish ass."
Crowd cheers and replies, "USA, USA, USA, USA, USA."
Cop waits for silence and yells, "And I live in Rockaway Beach. This is my face, Osama... Bitch!"
Michael J. Fox is speechless.

Taliban warn of long guerrilla war.

We will retreat to the mountains and begin a long guerrilla war to reclaim our pure land from infidels and free our country again like we did against the Soviets... The Americans are creatures of comfort. They will not be able to sustain the harsh conditions that await them... Afghanistan will prove to be the graveyard of the Americans.

- Mujahideen commander Maulvi Jalaluddin Haqqani, the commander-in-chief of the Taliban's southern military command - akin to the Taliban army chief - and Mullah Omar's top military strategist and commander.

via [ linkwatcher ] via [ robot wisdom ]

Random Abstract put a link to Off On A Tangent on his side menu bar. Thanks! He also reminded me to check out Kevin Smith's News Askew.

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Richard B. Myers just gave a press briefing and showed Defense Department Battlefield Video Taken with a Nightscope showing US Army Rangers parachuting into Afghanistan.

"One of the most impressive military briefings, with real time video, I've ever seen! Amazing, just amazing!" General Shepard on CNN.

New York Post reporter Johanna Huden says Anthrax This after becoming a victim of terrorism.
via [ Drudge Report ]

accidental.

Just say Julie!

nanowrimo.

National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 200-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.

It was a dark and stormy night...

Cat, Kittens Found Alive in WTC Rubble.

Meow Mix, Meow Mix.

Information Radio: You will be attacked by land, sea and air... Resistance is futile.

Baby Pacifiers.

Now your family portrait will be complete with the addition of these brand new hysterical baby pacifiers. Perhaps you have seen them on the NBC Today Show.

Goo Goo Gaa Gaa... Yikes!

Taliban Singles Online.

dear kids of afghanistan.
from tonypierce.com

Of my items on eBay, the Jerry Lewis Spelling Bee Button is the best.

New Stuff:
Columbia Space Shuttle, Engle Truly Button
Apple Computer Newton Button
Martha and the Muffins Echo Beach Button
Mattel Hot Wheels Ice T Button
The Vapors Turning Japanese Button
Madness Button New Wave Ska
Bob Marley Button

Share your pictures online.

By carrying the novel Hayduke Lives!, Neil Godfrey set off a bizarre turn of events that prevented him from flying.
via [ Wil Wheaton ]

Ode to America. Full text by Cornel Nistorescu, manager of Romanian newspaper Evenimentul Zilei.

Why are Americans so united? They don't resemble one another even if you paint them!

Information Radio: Attention Taliban! You are condemned. Did you know that?

I want to make movies with a $99 video camera.

Wanna keep up to date on what's happening?

Here are 200+ URL's about the war from the last few days, including much information about the anthrax attacks and responses in the Muslim world.

I'm gonna grab a beer and start reading.

Jai al-Leno, the Taliban's "Minister of Monologue":

"So the Devil in Chief George W. Bush asked every American child to donate a dollar to help the suffering children of Afghanistan. [audience: "awwwww"] Yep, and around the same time, Mullah Mohammed Omar asked every Afghan child to begin preparation for a lifetime of holy war in which he hopes they will be martyred after leading thousands of Western infidels to their fiery deaths. [clapping] Because, you know, jihad is really about the kids."

Heeeere's Jai.

Sex in Silicon Valley.

The Boss's Daughter
"We were working late and she came up to me and asked for help with the copying machine. She then closed the door and told me how she wanted me. We ended up locking the door and...

Hey guys... fun is fun, but take a look at your stock prices!
via [ parallax view ]

Have you seen the Gary Coleman For US Senate Poster?

Cipro: Side Effects:

Most common side effect:
Nausea

Less common side effects may include:
Abdominal pain/discomfort, diarrhea, headache, rash, restlessness, vomiting

Rare side effects may include:
Abnormal dread or fear

If you're afraid of getting Anthrax, don't take Cipro. You'll feel worse.

I have a few new things up on eBay:

Waterford Kenmare Cordial set of 2 glasses for enjoying some alcoholic libations.
Ink Spots Volume One DECCA 33 1/3 record for reliving the early days of 1949.
Nellie Lutcher Real Gone 33 1/3 record of her best performances.
Yma Sumac... XTABAY 33 1/3 record of Incan music. Great album cover.
The Music Man Original Broadway Cast Record with Robert Preston.
MACINTOSH - LAPEL PIN! RARE in original sealed bag.

More f***ing hillarious get your war on comics.

3 bruces - 3 days off.

Your humble webloggers have been placed in exile from their place of work (3 days, no pay) for violating a company policy on using company computers for personal use. What you say? Well, basically, you can't blog on your breaks.

When you get back to work, blog during work time and disable the timestamps.

Have a Yuengling for me on your days off.

Jonathan had a tough day.

Advice to all company employees on the proper use of Jonathan's time. As your System Administrator I am at your service. Just call Jonathan on ext 8817 or on his mobile - day or night.

• Never write down any error messages. Just click "Ok" or restart your computer. Jonathan likes to guess what the error message was.

Hey Jonathan, How come my AOL keeps saying 'Click OK to continue'?
via [ sore eyes ]

I was watching Dateline on NBC, and Stone Phillips was on top of 30 Rock I guess, because of the Anthrax, and it was daytime. He introduced the next story, and the tape rolled.

I turned to my wife and said, "Hey, that wasn't live!"
She said, "It's all taped. Didn't you know that?"

Hmm... No I didn't. I guess I never thought about whether Stone Phillips' leadins were live or not.

I said, "I thought it was live."
She said, "You think The Real World is Real too."

Huh?

pregnant_britney_and_justin.jpg
Singer BRITNEY SPEARS looks pregnant as she leaves The Ivy restaurant with boyfriend JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE.

Found on a cool site for photos, [ eZuma ] via [ roger avary ]

Here President Bush. I help with fund!!! [ anthraxletter.gif ]
over at [ black hole brain ] via [ scripting news ]

Victory Blog: Loose Grammer Usage Might Sink Ships.

... when some CNN reporter says "The United States is literally throwing money at the problem," what she is saying is ... that the United States has constructed massive catapults and is lobbing bundles of cash over the Afghan border. It's sloppiness like this that could cost us the war!

Watch what you say.
via [ parallax view ]

A FREE two-sided, two-color, four-by-nine waterproof card that illustrates women's breasts.

Every shower should have one.
via [ Site du Jour of the Day ]

Embrace the stupid.

I put a "Hungry Hungry Hippo" marble up my nose and panicked when I couldn't get it out. My little sister reached up, plugged my other nostril with her finger and told me to blow. Out fell the marble.

When I was little, I took a bleach bottle from the trash and looked into it, upside down, to see if it was empty. It wasn't, and my parents rushed me to the hospital. I can still see.

I was painting the trim on my new front porch. The floor is stained. I left the paint on the ladder, and moved the ladder. The paint spilled on the floor. All over the floor. Yikes.

I squirted some Goof Off onto my new porch railing to remove some paint that splashed up from the floor, and the Goof Off went right into my eye. I immediately washed my eye out. I can see.

I took accounting in college.

I drove straight to Miami from Amherst, Mass and left at 11:00 PM.

I kept my mustache after college.

I bought a used Ford that needed a new engine.

I ate a pickle when I had the Mumps. Ouch!

The Boston Marathon has been cut in half.

Survivor Africa: Why Diane Lost by David Bloomberg.

Frankly, Diane could have schemed and plotted her ass off, and it wouldn’t have mattered. Her tribe saw that she was a hindrance, not an asset, and they were going to get rid of her no matter who she tried to ally with. I mean, they voted her off instead of a guy who stole food and lied about it!

I'm glad I just found David's new home on the web. He writes the best summaries.

Here's a recap of last night's Survivor Africa if you missed it.

Atheists feel alienated by calls for prayer.

"I kind of cringe every time Bush and everybody else is saying, 'God bless America,'" Pepin said. "They're saying it's not a holy war, but they're invoking God, their deity, all the time. I find that very confusing."

via [ metafilter ]

America helped design, build tunnels used by bin Laden.

via [ monkeyfist ]

Terrorist or Not? - Samuel Adams.

Hmm... Give me a beer while I think about it.

The Sky is Falling, The Sky is Falling!

The FBI just sent out a press release that says:

Certain information, while not specific as to target, gives the government reason to believe that there may be additional terrorist attacks within the United States and against U.S. interests overseas over the next several days. The FBI has again alerted all local law enforcement to be on the highest alert and we call on all people to immediately notify the FBI and local law enforcement of any unusual or suspicious activity.

I'm not comforted by the URL of the page on the FBI web site: http://www.fbi.gov/pressrel/pressrel01/skyfall.htm

Update:
They changed the URL to: http://www.fbi.gov/pressrel/pressrel01/101101.htm

Get Your War On.

Hey, are you going to the team spirit meeting.

My mother-in-law told me that Attorney General Ashcroft told her to be on the lookout and to be aware when she goes outside. On her walk to church, she looked around the neighborhood and didn't see anything suspicious. Everything looks OK in here in Boston.

My mother goes to West Plam Beach in the Winter and is concerned that there might be terrorists down there.

Me: Ma, there aren't any terrorists down in West Palm Beach. What do you think, that they go to Publix?
Ma: Yes. They got to Wal-Mart don't they?
Me: Only in Maine.

I went to the Apple Store at the Northshore Mall yesterday. It moved into the space where the Warner Brothers store used to be. I used to sell Macintosh computers back in 1984 and was interested to see how Apple put their own company store together. It's nice. The store has section for people who are interested in photography, video and music. The computers are connected to digital and video cameras. There's also and area to check out the laptops and desktops. I was playing around on a laptop and was helped by a very nice saleperson. I really admired that guy. He did a nice job. He listened well and told me about the features of the Mac. I thanked him and then browsed the internet for a bit on their high speed connection.

Next stop was Home Depot to get some more insulation for the house. I'm insulating the crawlspace on our third floor. Whew! What a job. Yesterday I measured the opening, it was 19 inches, and bought some 23 inch insulation. When I got it home, I noticed that all my openings aren't 19 inches. Some are 17 inches and some are 15 inches. It all worked out though, because yesterday's roll filled up all my 19 inch openings. Today I'll finish up the rest.

There weren't any terrorists at the Apple Store or at Home Depot. I'll check my crawlspace today, and tonight I'll check the strip clubs... or maybe I'll just stay in and watch Survivor.

My early pick Jessie Camacho.

Where's Dick?

On the first Sunday after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, Vice President Dick Cheney briefed the country on Meet the Press. He was an authoritative, reassuring leader in a time of national crisis. Then, silence.

For the past three weeks no Cabinet officer has been seen less by the public. The ever suspicious press started asking questions. "Everyone wants to know where you are," an aide told Cheney last week. The Vice President offered a thin smile: "Don't tell them."

Maybe he's hiding out with Waldo?

NewsMax.com: Leno.

Do you know what the number one reality show in Afghanistan is? The Flintstones!

More information coming out about Osama bin Laden. He's the richest man in Afghanistan – he has a three-donkey garage.

Tabloids belittle bin Laden, hijackers.

Bin Laden's hate for the United States began when he was rejected by an American woman as an inadequate lover.

Hmm... Spare me the details.

Banfield rising MSNBC correspondent may be next TV reporter catapulted to stardom by big story.

The trade weekly Electronic Media has already latched onto Banfield, proclaiming that she's "clearly going to be the media darling of Operation Enduring Freedom."

... she's an abundantly willing candidate to replace Katie Couric on the "Today" program, if Couric leaves NBC or lands her own talk show on the network.

Go Ashleigh!

Modern Humorist War Update 10-09-01:

Even though nobody invited him, Paraguay showed up and said he wanted to join the coalition against terrorism. British Prime Minister Tony Blair said he sincerely appreciated Paraguay's offer and that "they should definitely hang out some time" but demurred when asked by Paraguay what was going on this weekend.

Rioting Erupts in Gaza in a Challenge to Arafat.

Palestinians were now fighting each other rather than the Israelis.

Now they are their own enemy?

This could have a direct impact on... well, if not terrorism, beer sales.

Creepy Steve has created a Sim Sandwich named "PBJ, Donut and Banana" for you.

via [ yakitori ]

Charting the path of the war on terrorism.

Jack Joyce, president of International Travel Maps and Books Publishing, said the U.S. government has bought up every available map of Afghanistan, and is now placing orders for others.

via [ metafilter ]

Wag The WTC.

Iron Chef USA starts in November on UPN. William F. Shatner hosts and Todd English will be the Captain America Chef.

Michael Moore: All I Am Saying Is Give War a Chance.

...the bombs are raining down on Afghanistan and, as Martha Stewart says, that's a good thing.

Barry Crimmins - Quips and Comments:

10-6-01

Is their anything more heartwarming than those ads suggest the best way we can combat terrorism is to purchase a new sports utility vehicle?

10-04-01

Katherine Harris, yes that Katherine Harris, is considering running for a US House seat from Florida. If she runs she won't emphasize her efforts on the primary or general elections but instead simply focus on the recounts.

Crazy Flag Burning Man Dance Party.

Ouch... Fire.

Osama bin Lager.

Mmmm... beer.

I'm enrolling in Comedy College.

a fire inside: Manic Monday:

Today we celebrate the fact that a man from another country came here by mistake, ignored the fact that the land was already inhabited, and claimed it as his own.

It's ironic that today we are also waging war on another man; for going into a different country, ignoring the fact that the land was already inhabited, and claiming it as his own.

If you were born around 1960 (give or take a few years) you might actually like this site: feeling retro.

Includes links to: Toon Tracker - RealMedia cartoons and classic commercials, Hanna-Barbera, The Unofficial Looney Tunes and Merrie Melody site, Wacky Races, 70s TV, Gilligan's Island, cereal premiums, FunnyFace Drink Mix, The Official Quisp Page, 70s Music, Very Brady Real Audio, 70s Sites, Wacky Packages, Odd Rods, Candy Bar Wrapper Collection, Necco Wafers.

I see you were at the Beta Test of the Remote Lounge last night. You look cute. Let's hook up!

The Apple Store is open at the Northshore Mall in Peabody, MA (North of Boston).

I missed the Grand Opening, but I'll get up there soon to check it out.

Click here to find out what robot you really are. #1 on DayPop. I'm R2-D2.

I guess I'd just have Bender as a friend.

A Fire Inside is now at http://www.asmallvictory.net/.

Please update your links if you've got 'em.

Here's another view of the three firefighters raising the American flag. It's at a page where you can print out American Flags.

Administrator of the Agency for International Development Andrew Natsios:
Briefing on U.S. Assistance to Afghan Refugees

A quarter of the children in Afghanistan will die before they are five years old. It has the highest maternal mortality rate in the world. It has the lowest per person caloric intake in the world. And it has the highest number of amputees in the world, per capita.

So the human misery index is there already at a terrible level. So people are weakened. There has been four years of drought, 22 years of civil war. They are not in good shape. They are very tough people, but to go through four years of drought where the crops fail one year after another makes them extremely vulnerable to what now is happening.

The United States has contributed more than $1 billion in humanitarian assistance to the Afghan people since 1979, more than any other country.

The United States has supplied more than 80 percent of all food shipments sent to vulnerable Afghans through the United Nations' World Food Program, and will continue to be the leading food donor to the Afghan people.

A bullet punched a hole in the trans-Alaska oil pipeline Thursday, sending oil spewing for hours in a remote area north of Fairbanks.

"This has absolutely nothing to do with terrorism," a troopers spokesman said. "This is someone being dumb with their rifle."

Troopers had no further comment as they were too busy opening up a 1998 bottle of Merlot to see if the cork would be able to stop the leak.

GRITTY KITTY FOUND ALIVE!

Saturday night, rescuers, responding to a report of a cat crying, used a recovery dog to corner the injured and terrified animal on the cluttered rooftop.

I guess the rescue dog deserved to have a little fun after all it's hard work.
via [ backwash ]

I ate six live active cultures for lunch today.

Maybe I can get on the next Survivor. I'd better start practicing.

Heather Graham said. "I think it might be nice to date someone not in the business."

I'm not in the business.

Will Durst: Logo loco.

QVC
Right About Now, a Real American Would Start Shopping.

Sci Fi Channel:
Could've Been Worse. Could've Been Aliens.

Santa Cruz teacher calls police after eating student's marijuana brownie.

...the teacher, who was aware the 14-year-old boy had past problems with marijuana, jokingly asked for one of the "pot brownies." The boy gave her one, and she ate it.

Mmmm... brownies.

Ebola-style killer virus sweeps Afghan border.

The largest outbreak in history of a highly contagious disease that causes patients to bleed to death from every orifice was confirmed yesterday on Pakistan's frontier with Afghanistan.

[ via Drudge Report ]

I'm moving to Walnut Acres! I'm in love with a new Salsa I just met, Midnight Sun.

The thing that makes this salsa special is the combination of black beans and corn with cilantro.

It's organic too. Can you tell, from the list of ingredients: Organic tomatoes, water, organic onions, organic tomato paste, organic green bell peppers, organic black beans, organic corn, organic jalapeno peppers, organic apple cider vinegar, sea salt, organic dried onion, organic cilantro, organic spices, organic dried garlic, citric acid.

Mmmm... Salsa.

Barry Crimmins:Quips & Comments 10-2-01

The U.S.A could curtail its dependence on foreign oil if only there were a way to harness the energy of flag-waving.

Barry has come up with a few new nicknames:

Kaiser Ashcroft, Rudolph Idi Giuliani Dada -Supreme Mayor-for-Life, Court-appointed President Bush, and White House Minister of Spin Ari Fleischer.

You can't find political satire like this anywhere else on the net.

Do you support the Northern Alliance?

We condemn the cooperation of the United States with the Northern Alliance. This is another nightmare for our people -- the Northern Alliance are the second Taliban.

The Northern Alliance are hypocrites: They say they are for democracy and human rights, but we can't forget the black experience we had with them. Seventy-year-old grandmothers were raped during their rule, thousands of girls were raped, thousands were killed and tortured.

I support The Revolutionary Association of the Women of Afghanistan (RAWA) and join with Mavis Leno to support the Campaign to Stop Gender Apartheid in Afghanistan.


I sent an email to President Bush and he emailed me back:

Thank you for emailing President Bush. Your ideas and comments are very
important to him.

If your message is about the September 11 terrorist attack on the United
States, please click go to www.whitehouse.gov to learn more about the American
response and relief efforts.

Unfortunately, because of the large volume of email received, the President
cannot personally respond to each message. However, the White House staff
considers and reports citizen ideas and concerns.

Again, thank you for your email. Your interest in the work of President Bush
and his administration is appreciated.

Sincerely,
The White House Office of E-Correspondence
_________________________

For more information about the White House, please visit www.whitehouse.gov.
_________________________

Please Note:

If the subject of your email was a request for a Presidential greeting, please
note that all greeting requests must be submitted in writing to the following
address:

The White House
Attn: Greetings Office
Room 39
Washington, D.C. 20502-0039

Please review the guidelines carefully before mailing your request to the White
House. The guidelines are accessible at:

http://www.whitehouse.gov/greeting/

I hope a get a birthday card when I'm 80. Maybe I should request one now.

If you look in The Simpsons Folder, you'll find Simpsons' news.

Mmmm news.

I am so glad that I got my VCR to change channels while I'm away. It successfully taped both undeclared and Scrubs last night. undeclared came through with a stong second episode. I'll keep watching.

Scrubs blew me away. The writing on this show is great as are the characters. The maintenance man with the screwdriver is going to become a cult hero. He's the Kramer of Scrubs.

Check it out next week.

AT&T Broadband Digital Cable Customer Service Sucks

My email to AT&T Broadband:
I just wanted to let you know that Kathy in your customer service department is giving out incorrect information.

I called yesterday to ask for the cable box brand code # of the Motorola DCT2000.

I explained that I wanted to allow my VCR (Panasonic PV-8662) to control the cable box via the infared link.

After researching it, Kathy told me that the cable box could only be controlled by the remote control that came with the box. No other remote would work.

After hanging up the phone, I began programming my VCR with codes starting at #1 to see if I could get it to work.

I'm happy to inform you that code #55 allows Panasonic PV-8662 VCR to control the Motorola DCT2000 cable set top box.

Thanks for your interest.
--Steve

Their response:
Thank you for writing.

We appreciate your writing and bringing this to our attention. We have
forwarded your e-mail to the appropriate person here at AT&T Broadband
so that they are made aware of this situation and address it
accordingly. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused
you.

As always, your comments and additional feedback are welcome.

Liz
AT&T Broadband

I'm dreading my future AT&T Highspeed Internet Cable installation.

Guess the TV Show or Movie Name.

Don't try Alias Smith and Jones, the computer already knows that one.

Red Rock Eater Digest.

The phrase "red rock eater" derives from Bennett Cerf's Book of Riddles:

Q: What is big and red and eats rocks?
A: A big red rock eater.

News Blues.

MSNBC's Ashleigh Banfield has become engaged to marry producer Drew Nederpelt, who helped save her life the morning of the World Trade Centers disaster. Banfield, now on assignment in Islamabad, Pakistan, dyed her blond hair black and cut it short before returning to the region this week. "I'm somewhat concerned being a woman in an Islamic republic filled with fundamentalists who hate Americans."

Bummer. Now she's engaged, not a blonde, has short hair, and is in Islamabad, Pakistan. Where's her camel sense?

Matt Goyer

If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.

If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the nickel deposit, you would have $79.

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily and recycle.

Mmmm. Beer.

Officials warn of more attacks at home and abroad.

Secret Service agents wrestled the Morroccan-born Hmimssa to the ground after a brief chase at gunpoint in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

Yikes! Iowa!

False reporting and racial prejudice is scarier than airport security issues.

...he was aboard an American Airlines plane at John F. Kennedy International Airport, awaiting departure to Los Angeles, when police rushed in and removed him at gunpoint.

Security isn't storming a plane and dragging off Arabs, its doing the right background checks and thorough searches of luggage before boarding!

Let's be careful out there.

Rogers Cadenhead , publisher of Cruel Site of the Day, and member of the editorial board of The Drudge Retort, has added me to the list of people who are putting the yellow back in journalism over at The Drudge Retort.

I'm humbled to join their list of noted authors which includes:

PHIL AGRE
BARTCOP
MARTY BECKERMAN
JOE BLUNDO
BRYAN BOYER
BEN BROWN
CATTLOVRR
HEATHER CHAMP
RICHARD COHEN
RAFE COLBURN
JOE CONASON
RACHEL COX
STEPHEN DEN BESTE
E.J. DIONNE
WESLEY FELTER
MICHAEL FINLEY
LAURA FLANDERS
JOHN GALLUCCI
TALENTLESS HACK
JUSTIN HALL
JOHN HARGRAVE
DAN HARTUNG
MATT HAUGHEY
JIM HIGHTOWER
BOB HIRSCHFELD
MEG HOURIHAN
MOLLY IVINS
MIKE JASPER
MICKEY KAUS
DAN KENNEDY
JERRY KLEIN
GREG KNAUSS
JASON KOTTKE
JOE LAVIN
TODD LEVIN
JASON LEVINE
JAMES LILEKS
DAVE LINABURY
JOSHUA MARSHALL
ADAM MATHES
PETER MERHOLZ
WALTER MILLER
MICHAEL MOORE
MARK MORFORD
PAUL PERRY
DEREK POWAZEK
TED RALL
RAWMUSLGLUTES
ROBERT RENO
DENNIS RODDY
HARRY SHEARER
MICHAEL SIPPEY
NORMAN SOLOMON
SPIKE
CARL STEADMAN
MOLLY STEENSON
CREEPY STEVE
JOHN STYN
MIKE SWICKEY
OWEN THOMAS
SARAH TOWNSEND
DEB WEISS
PETER WERBE
EVAN WILLIAMS
DAVE WINER
JEFFREY ZELDMAN

The algebra of infinite justice.

Dropping more bombs on Afghanistan will only shuffle the rubble, scramble some old graves and disturb the dead.

Now Bush and Bin Laden have even begun to borrow each other's rhetoric. Each refers to the other as "the head of the snake". Both invoke God and use the loose millenarian currency of good and evil as their terms of reference.

Whoa.

Mend fences, make a loved one more of a priority, or help a stranger in some small way.

My friend Stephen and his wife were having breakfast in Manhattan (where they live) when Stephen noticed a woman sitting alone in the corner of the restaurant crying. Rather than minding his own business, he got up, walked over, and asked if
he could help.

The woman explained that she was new to the city, and, since she didn't have any close friends nearby, felt lonely and afraid. With that, she burst into tears again. Stephen sat down beside her and gently put his arm around her while she cried. Through her sobs she also mentioned that it was her birthday. As he continued to simply be present with her pain, he felt his sense of helplessness melt away. They both experienced a bit of healing from this surprise encounter.

Hug.

Alias on ABC = Great!

I've heard it called La Femme Felicity.

It's even better than that.