Confused Start, Decisive End.
Rick Atkinson of the Washington Post takes a first stab at writing the history of the Iraq war.
via [ Reverend Tim on the The Comedy Studio Kvetch Board ]

April 15: Poop For Peace Day.
Give Poop A Chance.
via [ April Winchell: Linkapalooza! ]

Rachel Loy: The Same Man.
You read about her here first, now she's signed with Epic records and re-recorded the single, "The Same Man."

The new Epic Records versions, Acoustic, Semi-Acoustic and Electric, are available here for $1.49 each. The tracks are in Windows Media Audio format (WMA) format, which isn't too good for us Mac users. No iTunes, No iPod.

Here's the Live In-Studio Version of "The Same Man" as a free mp3 file, as it was performed on the Q94 Surf's Up Morning Show. This version is Mac friendly!

This is the version that got Rachel noticed!

"The Same Man" is also going to be included on Epic's new "Artists for Peace" CD.

Leeann Tweeden supports our troops.
via [ fark ]

They Didn't Fake That Saddam Statue Falling.

Dr. David Dixon's Dictionaraoke contributions include Green Eggs And Ham mp3.

Radio 'raps' Saddam Hussein.

Saddam In The House
"I am so dead, I am so bad. Stop killing Iraqis... I am big daddy, this is my game. I don't have feelings, I don't have shame.

"Forty-eight hours left, Bush said, all my troops left me and fled

"Now I am sitting by myself... I am going to hell."

Saddam Rap mp3.
via [ Steve Minutillo ]

American Personality Identification Cards.
via [ One-Trick CyberPony ]

Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Considers Topless Pool.

The Hard Rock is considering putting in a topless swimming pool. If you're looking for a little sun and a whole lot of skin and hard bodies, the pool at the Hard Rock Cafe is the place to be.

"From day one it's been a very popular destination. The locals want to see it, the tourists always flock to it it's probably our #1 amenity," said Yale Rowe, Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. Going topless could make the pool even more popular.

How about the restaurants?

DefenseLink: Personality Identification Playing Cards.

Here's the official .PDF of the playing cards the military is issuing in Iraq now.
[ A downloadable 704 KB .pdf is free on this page ]

Iraq Most Wanted Identification Playing Cards (PDF version)
[ A downloadable 22.5 MB file is supposedly for sale on this page. ]

This is the HIGH QUALITY digital press (CMYK) and camera-ready electronic version of the deck of playing cards officially issued by the U.S. Department of Defense and currently being distributed to U.S. troops in Iraq. Other people are selling a low-resolution 700K file.

Haven't seen this CMYK file for sale anywhere else.

Slide Show.

Iraq playing cards on eBay.

MagPortal: Magazine articles on Macintosh computers and software.
You can read this month's Macworld, for free!

Married By America: It's the most explosive wedding ceremony yet!

There are two weddings. One on Saturday and one Sunday. What you were voting for was for the prize to which couple gets it, and then.. you have to wait and see if the couples get married. So let's say they both get married, but America voted for couple one, they get the money, and the other couple is married with nothing. Screwy huh.

Fight, Fight, Fight!

Flashing red beacon warns for snow (or today's Red Sox game is canceled).

Adjacent to the modern John Hancock Tower is the 1947 Old John Hancock Tower. This art deco building has a pyramid-shaped roof topped with a weather beacon. The beacon has a different color depending on the weather: clear blue means a clear view, flashing blue means clouds due, steady red signals rain ahaid and a flashing red beacon warns for snow (or today's Red Sox game is canceled).

Tonight it was blue.

'The Office' Wins Two BAFTA AWARDS.

Actor and writer Ricky Gervais landed two major awards on British television's big night of the year on Sunday for the acclaimed comedy "The Office."

As we say in America, "Go Ricky, Go Ricky, Go Ricky, Go Ricky."

Was Saddam Statue Event Staged for Cameras?

Maybe it was.

The War That Ended History.

"A country's identity, its value and civilization resides in its history. If a country's civilization is looted, as ours has been here, its history ends. Please tell this to President Bush. Please remind him that he promised to liberate the Iraqi people, but that this is not a liberation, this is a humiliation." -- Iraqi archeologist Raid Abdul Ridhar Muhammad, discussing the looting of the National Museum of Iraq.

Don't know much about history, anymore.

It's gone.

Saddam's Shagadelic Love Shack!

The doors of the town house opened to reveal a playboy's fantasy straight from the 1960s: mirrored bedroom, lamps shaped like women, air-brushed paintings of a topless blonde woman and a mustached hero battling a crocodile.

Grr... baby.
via [ greengrl ]

Boston International Comedy and Movie Festival.

For nine days, 150 comedians will come together from all across the globe to share their talents, celebrate the rich culture that the city of Boston has to offer - and compete for the honor of being the Best Comedian!

Oh this is going to be good. I'm looking forward to seeing Sparky Schneider and THE OTHER NETWORK at the Coolidge Theatre!

Joshua, you need a slimp3 so you can play iTunes, on your stereo, over your home Ethernet network.

Apple's Pro Digital Production Website.

War cancelled on two TV networks.

In separate announcements, the NBC and CBS networks confirmed that they have cancelled Operation Iraqi Freedom as of yesterday afternoon. "This has no bearing on the quality of the war," said an NBC spokesperson. "In fact, as we have said before, we believe it's one of the best wars to appear on TV. Our viewers are simply looking for non-war programming right now, and we need to focus on what our viewers want."

Kyocera Kurv Phone.

Michael Moore's Next Film: Fahrenheit 911.

...titled "Fahrenheit 911," is scheduled for release in the two months before Election Day. It tells "in part the story of twin errant sons of different oilmen," he says, and will stir together the pre-9/11 intersection of Bush and bin Laden family business interests when both had ties to the Carlyle Group.

Too much for me to read. I'll wait for the movie.

The Tucker Max Date Application Page.

Tucker also started The Tard Blog.

You probably never heard of him.

These two stories will introduce you to him:

The Now Infamous Tucker Max Charity Auction Debacle.

Tucker ruptures appendix, hilarity ensues.

Well there's good news and bad news.
Oh you poor people. The pain you must be feeling.
Baghdad in turmoil.

Can I Have My House Back Please?

The city had been one of the ones hardest hit by Saddam’s program of “Arabization,” which would displace Kurdish families and give their homes and property to Arab families settled from the south. There are up to 300,000 internally displaced people, as the United Nations clinically calls them. Many of them live in squalid refugee camps outside the Kurdish cities such as Arbil or Suleimaniya.

But in a vivid homecoming scene, Khoshna described how he returned to his family’s old home in Kirkuk only to find an Arab family living there. He said they were afraid of him and his troops, but he reassured them they could live there until they found a new home. Then he would like his house back, please.

You can leave the furniture.

Christopher is a Rock Star in Iraq!

They noticed we were American and began shouting, “George Bush!” “I love George Bush!” “Thank you, America!” I began clapping to the music, and they started clapping and applauding. Soon their hands were lifting me and the rest of my party up on their shoulders, hoisting over the crowd. It was a scene of genuine jubilation, which I have never experienced first hand. They treated us like rock stars, grabbing for us.

As a reporter, he didn't want to become part of the story, but he did!

we love the iraqi information minister.com.
I hear he's trying to get to New York to audition for Saturday Night Live.

Marines to Crack Down on Baghdad Looting.

"When I came down here earlier, I said, `They're taking everything but the kitchen sink,'" said U.S. Marine Staff Sgt. John Kelley, 29, who then spied another looter.

"Ah," Kelley noted, "he's got a sink."

Quote of the day!

WZBC Online Playlist.
If you're in the Boston area, you can listen to me on the radio today from 2-4 on WZBC 90.3 FM. There's also a live stream over the internet.

As I do the show, you'll also be able to see my playlist, live in real time.

I plan on playing some of these bands today:

Frou Frou, hear me out, Details
Adam Ezra Group, coverman, sessions [ At Porters Bar and Grill tonight. ]
Amusia, never go, Never Go EP
Bis, today of all days [ Their last song ]
Irresponsibles, catch her in the rye, snacks and prizes [ Middle East on 3/26 ]
Kinski, semaphone, semaphore EP
The Modifiers, favorite waitress, show and tell
Rachel Loy, the same man, mp3 single [ of the band Mass Ave ]
Rework, loin de moi, Fall Right Now. [ French lead singer Laetitia ]
Ukes of Hazzard, gay boyfriend
Wickid Pissa, Pop Goddess [ Josh Mitchell's Band ]
Hot Hot Heat, bandages, make up the breakdown
Flaming Lips, do you realize - live
Well, bring it on
Kay Hanley, Made in the shade, cherry marmalade
Hot handed god of cops, rock the casbah, the clash
The dondero high school band and a capella choir, fox on the run, pop concert 1986 [ from 365 days ]
Pagoda Red, superhero
Irritating Rainbow.

Rock on!

Dogwood Dark: A Limited Harpoon Ale.
The Dogwood Cafe is serving a Harpoon Ale that has been brewed especially for them.

It's a Dark Lager with carmel and honey. If I told you that it tasted like a Coke, would that we weird?

On my first sip, I drank half the pint. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so.

Limmy is from Glasgow.

Go take a look at what this guy is doing on the web.

You'll either be there for a minute or two, or 20 minutes to 1/2 hour, depending on how many links you click on.

And if you're at work, put on headphones so those around you won't hear all the music, swearing and screaming.

FARK: A comparison of national styles in pulling down statues.

Iraqi Husband: Did you see me on the TV hitting Saddams Statue? It was great!

Iraqi wife: "Every man in Iraq is stealing furniture, tv's and refrigerators and where is my husband? Hitting a statue with a hammer. I can't even get you to cut down that cactus out back, but there you are swinging that damn hammer."

He has a future on Iraqi talk radio.

Battleground God.
That's my award up there!

Get Your War On.

I think I just saw the statue of Saddam Hussein collapse for the twenty-fifth time! That footage is awesome!

Freedom is awesome too.

B-52's Rock Lobster.

We were at the beach
Everybody had matching towels
Somebody went under a dock
And there they saw a rock
It wasn't a rock, it was a rock lobster

Those are great lyrics!

Tori's Taxivision.
Create Tori Amos' next music video.

That is, if you can understand her lyrics!

Tori Amos, Taxi Ride Lyrics.

And I'm down to
Your last cigarette and
this "We are one" crap
as you're invading

What is she talking about?

Did she use a random text generator to come up with these lyrics?

Here's my lyrics:

A lovely taxidermist operates a small fruit stand with a clock,
and a trombone dances with a wobbly onlooker.

Jacques still boogies her from a piroshki inside an alchemist,
teach her the widow inside a clodhopper with an omphalos from the bride,
and operates a small fruit stand with the dark side of her marzipan.

Sometimes the maestro over another alchemist goes to sleep,
but the guardian angel for a ballerina always bounces a cup!

Now all I need is a melody.

Webby Award Nominee asks How Much is Inside an Order of Fries?

One Last Smoke.

Fall of Saddam Statue - Telephoto View.
Brings the background a lot closer than it actually is.

Another one goes down.

Fall Of Saddam Statue.

Freedom emerges.

L-Day.

The Posse Comitatus Act of 1878.

America's military is largely prohibited from acting as a domestic police force.

So that's what they were talking about in tonight's episode of 24.

Military prepares for terrorist attacks at home.

The 1878 Posse Comitatus Act prohibits the military from conducting domestic law enforcement operations unless specifically authorized to do so by the president or Congress—something both the White House and Congress have shown an increasing willingness to do in recent years.

I guess.

Stripping Wallpaper: DIF Made the Difference!
First off i tried hot water and vinegar.

Didn't work so good.

Then i tried DIF spray-on gel.

Didn't work so good.

Then i tried DIF liquid mixed with hot water. I used a sprayer on the paper that I had pre-scored with a special scoring tool.

Bingo! That paper practically fell off the wall!

Be a DJ.
via [ J-Walk ]

Implementing VisiCalc: First You Need To Get A Printout.

I made a listing of the TRS-80 program by using my SX-70 Polaroid camera to take a picture of each page and then worked with this listing as I rewrote the code for the Apple.

Nice!

Germans give English 'le coup de grâce'

German linguists yesterday called on the nation to use French words in place of their popular English equivalents in protest at the US-led war against Iraq. A campaign launched by the group Language in Politics proposed swapping English words such as "ticket" with "billet" or "briefing" with "communiqué".

English words and phrases are increasingly used by Germans who value the language's efficiency - compared to German - and its perceived street credibility. Among the words that it is proposed should be pushed aside in favour of French are "driver" for "chauffeur", "playboy" for "bon vivant" and "okay" for "formidable".

Oy vey!

1984.

"My friends, each of you is a single cell in the great body of the State. And today, that great body has purged itself of parasites. We have triumphed over the unprincipled dissemination of facts. The thugs and wreckers have been cast out. And the poisonous weeds of disinformation have been consigned to the dustbin of history. Let each and every cell rejoice! For today we celebrate the first, glorious anniversary of the Information Purification Directive! We have created, for the first time in all history, a garden of pure ideology, where each worker may bloom secure from the pests of contradictory and confusing truths. Our Unification of Thought is a more powerful weapon than any fleet or army on Earth! We are one people. With one will. One resolve. One cause. Our enemies shall talk themselves to death. And we will bury them with their own confusion! We shall prevail!"

Boston Phoenix: In the wings.

Just two weeks into the war, it’s almost universally recognized that US-led forces went into Iraq understaffed. Not only did Saddam Hussein’s regime fail to crumble the moment the Third Infantry Division crossed the Kuwaiti border, but the much-vaunted "Shock and Awe" bombing campaign failed to prompt Iraqi military officers to defect.

I never read a newspaper article that had so many inaccuracies in one paragraph!

1. Universally recognized by the ill informed press.
2. Would you accept crumbling a few days later?
3. "Shock and Awe" wasn't used. It wasn't needed.

Guerrilla Theater.

Christin Hinojosa and John Didion, front left and right, lead other members of "guerrilla theater" through an intersection in Chicago.

AP Photo

This picture rocks!

What happened to me and the new girl.
BLOGS SAVE LIVES according to The Accordian Guy.

David Bloom's Last Ride .

He consulted military doctors and described his symptoms over the phone to overseas physicians. They suspected DVT, or deep veinous thrombosis, and advised him to seek proper medical attention. He ignored their advice, swallowed some aspirins, and kept on working. On Sunday he died of a pulmonary embolism.

Listen to your doctor.

War in Iraq: Top News from Military Times.
via [ Site du Jour of the Day ]

Grundig Classic 960 AM/FM/Short Wave Radio.

American Troops Loot Saddam's Presidential Palace.

In the heart of Baghdad, American soldiers who reached the gold-and-blue-domed New Presidential Palace used the toilets, rifled through documents in the bombed-out compound, and helped themselves to ashtrays, pillows, gold-painted Arab glassware and other souvenirs. The Americans also blew up a statue of Saddam on horseback in the center of the city.

Hmm... I wonder if they didn't get to flush since there's no running water.

Happy Birthday Astro Boy!

Christopher is Back In Iraq now.

What I experienced was not a death march. However, it was a forced march in that once I signed on, there was no stopping. I was physically hauled to my feet several times or pushed forward when I thought I was too far gone to continue. We climbed five or six mountains in pitch blackness, sometimes going high enough to trudge through calf-high snow. I hallucinated and became delirious. There was little water to drink and not much food. The language barrier was beyond frustration. Death march? No. But I honestly wanted to die several times.

Read about his harrowing journey across the mountains into Iraq.

Don't Get Hosed By Your Washing Machine.

Washing machine hose failures cause about $150 million in damage to homes in the United States and Canada each year.

Go stainless.

Is The Boston Globe Afraid Of Web Links?
Today's story about the, National Archives going online, shows how the Boston Globe is afraid of putting web links in their stories.

In the Globe's coverage, they report The Associated Press story by Eun-Kyung Kim, like this:

The records available on the database system represent a small fraction of the archives' electronic holdings.

On the other hand, The Salt Lake Tribune, covers the story this way:

The records available on http://www.archives.gov database system represent a small fraction of the archive's electronic holdings.

What's up with that?

Hey Boston Globe, help us out here. This whole article is about a web site. Don't you think you should include the web site's address in the article?

So This Is Christmas.

Lance Cpl. Brian Cole, 20, of Kansas City, Kan., was bowled over by the 7-year-old girl who handed him a Christmas card with this painstakingly written text: "Thank you for liberate us. And thank you for help us. You are a great army."

"That made my day, after sitting out in the heat all day. It made it seem worthwhile," said Cole.

Merry Christmas Bagdhad.

In a secular way of course.

If it's Tuesday, this must be democracy.

The US is ready to install the first leg of an interim government for the new Iraq as early as Tuesday, even while fighting still rages in Baghdad, officials said yesterday.

Don't worry about the government.

It's gonna make life easy for me
It's gonna be easy to get things done
I will relax along with my loved ones

I hope things work out for the best.

NBC 'Today' Co-Anchor David Bloom Dies in Iraq.
I feel like I knew him.

He was doing an amazing job covering the war in Iraq.

He'll be missed.

Technorati.

War is mud.

Sad Clown Store.
When I was little I painted this 'Sad Clown' with a Paint By Numbers kit. 

Uncovered after years of neglect, I want to share the joy of it's sadness.

A Plan for a New America.

Phase One
The United States will apologize to the entire world
for our interference in their affairs, past and present.
You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Hussein and the rest of
them 'good old boys'. We will never interfere again.

We're so sorry Uncle Albert.

Tornadoes to drop 'concrete bombs'.

... they will be laser-guided 1,000lb blocks of concrete, capable of destroying a tank or artillery piece, but without causing a devastating explosion that would put civilians at risk and shatter surrounding buildings.

Hmm... I wonder what other laser guided things the RAF could drop out of airplanes?
via [ random abstract ]

Now You Can Record Crappy PC TV.
For those of you who enjoy watching TV on your PC's, now you can record shows with SnapStream.

It's like a TiVo for your PC, but it's still on a PC.

Christopher Lydon's Weblog.

Harvard Law School News Aggregator .

Wicked Pissa: Pop Goddess. [mp3]
"I hate cheesy pop music but I love you Britney Spears," Josh Mitchell.

My friend Paul Wagner will be in two skits on Saturday Night Live tomorrow.

Say hi to Jimmy for me.

The Ukes of Hazzard: Debut Music Video Gay Boyfriend.

Many scenes, such as the park, our stylized Times Square, the movie theater, the motorcycles, the casino, and the flying sequence are generated completely from greenscreen shots of our actors. Everything else was created from scratch, mostly in Photoshop and Illustrator using digital still photos.

This is unreal.

The Plastic Hut video is even unrealer!

There must be 50 ways to take a city (well, at least 7).
This is a summary, of a classified summary, of a PowerPoint presentation entitled "Joint Urban Operations."


I think we need to post more "Loose Lips Sink Ships" posters around Washington.
via [ NextDraft ]

Iraqi informer angered by treatment of POW.

"Believe me, not only I, all the people of Iraq, not the people in the government, like Americans," Mohammed said. "They want to help the Americans, but they are all afraid."

He walked six miles to the nearest U.S. Marines and told them where she was.

So he walked more than a mile without a camel.

It's a Hamilton Beach mp3 player, ripper, server, streamer toaster!

Well, it's not actually a toaster anymore.

Hbee.

NextDraft.

NextDraft is a continually updated weblog that will help you keep up with the latest news across a spectrum of categories; from politics to pop culture, from the front lines to the front row and from Jerusalem to JLo.

Dave Pell is worth reading.

Jim thinks Frank Ruscica has such a clue it seems like he's nuts.

Back to Iraq — at last.

Checkpoint Questions:
“Who is that actor, in ‘Back to the Future’? With Michael J. Fox?”

“Christopher Lloyd?”

“Yes!” he said.

I was surprised, but I shouldn’t have been. The last time I was here, the authority figures of the region exhibited an intense curiosity combined with the air of menace. Here, being in charge means being feared.

After I explained the plot as best I could of the three movies — you have no idea how difficult that is, even with a translator — he asked me to explain the rules of American football. So I did, again, as best I could, turning yards into meters and downs into turns. He was thoroughly confused and by the time I got to the concept of a lateral pass, he’d had enough. He called the Sirnak station again.

After a moment he turned back to me. “Bye bye,” he said and smiled.

Christopher should be in Iraq now.

Boycott Delta: Less Leg Room. No Privacy.

Greens will pass through security as normal.
Yellows would require additional screening.
Reds are not allowed to fly.

Soylent Green is people!

Hotel Cote d’Azur De Cham Resort.
DEBKA file’s Exclusive Middle East sources have tracked down top Iraqi leadership’s bolt-hole.
Bolt-hole: A place affording escape.

Photoshop + war photo = pink slip.
Photographer Brian Walski used his computer to combine elements of the two war photographs.

Then he was fired.
via [ CompHobby ]

dura-luxe: Fun for Men! Secret Photos! Dirty Jokes!

I have no factual analysis of our current war, but, I am going to try to start wars on my blog.

France, I heard that Armenia called you a bitch.

Hey USA, I think you better pre-empt France before they start hitting on Armenia.

Debates of Artistic Value in Rock Music: A Case Study of the Band Weezer, 1994-2001.
Jeff Rosenfeld's Senior Thesis presented at Harvard.
via [ fimoculous ]

Free Mike Hawash!

Scotch® Permanent Double Sided Tape.
QUESTION:
How do you "unwind this protective wrap" on two sided tape?

The top piece is not sticky and is supposed to come off to reveal a sticky part.

ANSWER:
You pull 8" of tape out of the dispenser, tear it off and throw it away.

The top of the tape starts getting sticky at 8.25"


That's a waste of 8" of good tape!

The First Liberation.

A woman stood in the center of town and tore off her enveloping black abaya. She tossed her hair in the sun for a moment, smiling broadly...

Wahab lost his house and two shops in the recent airstrikes, but says it was worth it to be rid of Ansar. "We thank God they are gone," he said. "Even having nothing is better than living with Ansar. Now we are free."

Iraqi Freedom.

imdb Movie / TV News.
I need to read this more often.

Today's headlines:

Colin Farrell Tips Big for Five-Hour Strippers
Cowell: Sarah Michelle Who?
Ashton Saved Co-Star's Life in Plane Terror

With news like this who needs People Magazine anymore?

Iraqi men leave Jordan on free trip to Baghdad, vowing to "liberate" Iraq.
via [ Transterrestrial Musings ] by way of [ Winds of Change.NET ] after seeing it on [ Phil Carter's INTEL DUMP ] who [ ReverendTim on the Comedy Studio Kvetch Board ] talked about.

Bowling For Soup.

Colin Farrell Swore on Regis. What else is new?

regis: How did it feel to work with Al Pacino?
collin: I felt like i was gonna lose my bowels.
regis: Huh?
collin: That's how we say sh*t your pants in Ireland, but i didn't want to say that, but look I came back around and said it anyway.

While this is going on, co-host chris rock looks over to Gelman with a look that says, he just said sh*t on TV.

Cool. We need more swearing on daytime TV.

D'oh.

leofly® incredible dog transport system
"From the plane to the train, while you shop or while you walk! With Leofly your dog is right by your side!"
copied the entire post and graphic from [ Everlasting Blort ] because they nailed it!

This post is so funny.

Medford Idol: Vote Heidi.
Who really cares what she sounds like?

Danny Schechter: The New Dissector.

Dave Barry Writes About Writing For Steve Martin.
Best joke that Dave liked that didn't make it into Steve's monologue:

''Halloween 8 came out,'' Breckman said. ``I thought it was the best Halloween ever. It made Halloween 7 look like Halloween 5 .''

:-)

The Same Man [ Lyrics and mp3 ]
Written, Produced, and Peformed By: Rachel Loy of "Mass Ave".

This is for you my friend
I'm waiting on the other end
checkin' every day to see if you wrote me a letter
This is 'cause I miss my friend
off fighting with the other men
but you know I couldn't be more proud
even if I felt better

Nice interview on Channel 7 in Boston today.

Google buys Metafilter.

The People's Republic Of Jamaica Plain.

I designed the coolest JP T-Shirt yesterday.

It reflects the uniqueness of Jamaica Plain.

My friend Senga and I had lunch at El Oriental de Cuba. It's an amazing place! I had a sandwich cubano, it's a delicious combination of ham, pork, cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles, and mustard, toasted in the best soft French bread. The sandwich is pressed down and comes out nicely heated!

This is one of the best sandwiches ever!

Afterwards we went over to The Brendan Behan Pub. Another reason why Jamaica Plain is the coolest. This pub has no TV's so you must pay attention to your friends. And that's not a bad thing. The music, when we were in there, was great. Travis, Jamiroquai, and The Police were playing.

There were a lot of beers to choose from.

I had to order a Duff Beer since they have that label on the Sam Adams Spring Ale handle!

It was fun to say. "I'll have a Duff."